By Ogaga Otaotu

Hello and Welcome to the maiden edition of another Saturday contribution, TODAY’S WOMAN It promises to be an interesting one as we encourage you to send in your questions,comments and contributions on the topics that will be shared on this platform. Today’s Woman is focused on the daily life of the Woman, her challenges, struggles as well as her achievements.

It is a fact that the average woman is strong,dogged and a go getter who is committed to whatever she sets her mind on. There are however some road blocks on her way to success. These and many more we will be sharing here, with REAL live stories of women across the world although emphasis will be on the African woman. Our very first topic is one people rarely want to talk about …it is more of a question, Who is the BREADWINNER?

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Mrs Amagiwa, a business woman,met her husband when he was just starting up and like any good woman, she supported him. She paid for their 3 bedroom apartment and other financial needs. When they got married things did not change. She was still paying the bills. He kept complaining everyday that business was slow.

“I don’t have”, was his usual answer anytime the wife asked for support. As the children arrived, the financial burden became too much for her to bear alone. This began to take a toll on their relationship. She lamented her position as the bread winner because that was not what she signed up for.

Tasha Babajide in her mid 30s, shared her story as the bread winner. “I met my husband during my NYSC days and we fell in love as good friends. We got a banking job after service though at different banks and Just a year after Service we got married and it was a very great experience for the first six months until my husband lost his job following recession in his bank. That was when I saw the other side of him.

Gradually, my husband started drinking and coming home late. I thought it was because he just lost his job, so I refused to react to this new behavior of his. Rather, I was doing all I could to be an understanding wife. On a day that my husband was in a good mood I spoke with him about his new trait and how it is creating space between us.

I told him losing a job is not the end of the world and that he is a graduate with good grades   who can still apply for jobs and get something better than what he had before. He broke down in tears and told me how he felt miserable not being able to take care of his family. He said that he did not want to go job- hunting again and if he can raise some amount of money he would like to start business of his own.

We operate a joint account. My husband would take money from this account to buy clothes, shoes and even take enough to spend with friends the times they went out because he would not want them to know that he was not working. It was so bad that we barely had money for home up keep. And whenever I challenged him, he got angry and uttered unprintable words to me. There were times he beat me up in the presence of our children. He made them cry. But for the sake of our children I decided to take all of his abuses (emotional and physical).

Recently, I applied for a loan of 500 thousand naira in the office for him to start his business. He was very happy and apologized for all his behaviour and   also promised to change.

The change however was short-lived. Trouble started when he was duped of the money. My beatings and curses started again. He even accused me of infidelity. His thoughts became weird to me when he became superstitious, saying that those who assisted me in anything had brought him bad luck. It was unbelievable he descend this low.

We can barely feed at home now and our children are home because we cannot afford school fees as a result of my office taken virtually everything that comes in as my salary to off set the loan facility I took. This is my story as a breadwinner. My husband has made things tough for me outside and airs hate instead of love at home. Yet, I’m the bread winner. I don’t know what to do.

Mr Toju shared his experience with us while growing up: “As a little boy I never really saw my Dad work in his active years. He lost his job as a purchasing officer in a big company and resorted to commercial driving to earn some income. But that didn’t last long. I witnessed my mom struggle to make sure that we had food on the table and clothes.The burden of providing for the family fell on my mother and she engaged in different trades. From frying Akara, to selling cooked rice, oranges and baking snacks. Being the bread winner of the house as a woman had its own downturn.

I saw my mother lose respect for my Dad, maybe because he had free time on his hands and she thought he could have used that to get a job. She accused him of having affairs with ladies. We didn’t know if it was true.

I saw my parents fight constantly over trivial issues and each time my mother would rub it in that she provided for the family and that my father was not a man. That really hurt me because I thought she went too far. This went on for years and my Dad learned to live with it. This is the bitter lesson I learnt. I see this repeating itself in modern day marriages today and it accounts for one of the reasons for the high rate of divorce. For me, I have vowed never to allow it happen to    me.

Mr Oguda, says he personally destroyed everything the wife bought in the house from the flat screen television to his clothes. He says he is tired of his wife rubbing it in that she pays the bills every time there is an argument. Oguda boasts that he is a very hardworking man and that the fact that business is down now due to the poor economy does not mean the wife is the breadwinner.

He claims he is still the breadwinner even when he contributes nothing to the upkeep of the house. He would rather stay in an empty house than allow a seeming dominance from the wife. The good thing is that his business is improving and things are normalising.

Research has shown that money accounts for over 40 percent of problems in marriages today. This is a challenge most Women face today. Women in such situation will tell you it’s not an easy task. There are however, women who are very successful in their careers or in business and comfortably take care of the home as the bread winner without batting an eye

And there are also men who will not allow their wives to run the home. they want to be in charge of their homes as long as the women can support them. But it appears that these crop of men are getting fewer by the day as some young men today are on a mission to get married to successful ladies who can pay the bills and take care of the home.

Well, women should sometimes make some findings before going into marriage. This way, they could be ready to take on the role of a Breadwinner or remain a Helper and a Supporter?