Dear Bunmi,

I got married two years ago when I hadn’t completely fallen out of love with my ex-girlfriend. I met my wife on the rebound after my ex left me for another man. But the relationship didn’t work out and she’s started e-mailing me. My wife is kind, gentle and good company but I now realize that my ex is the love of my life. My marriage is currently childless. What should I do?
Smart
By E-Mail
 
Dear Smart,
Before you do anything rash, like throwing away your marriage, stop and think about your real feelings for you ex. It’s easy to look back at a past relationship with rose-tinted glasses, but she was the one who chose to finish with you and must have had her reasons, which may well still exist.

I would try to make your marriage work, If I were you. Don’t rush back to your ex without being sure she’s not also settling for you on the rebound. What happens if what she considers a better option shows up – again?
                           My toy boy rival

Dear Bunmi,
Wonders, they say, will never cease! I’m a single father of three and in my forties. Some months back, I met and fell in love with a fashion designer who has a teenage daughter. I had thought we would eventually bring both families together and gave this woman no reason to doubt my intention.

I’d heard from the grapevine that she was romantically linked with a banker but she always denied it until the day I met the guy in her flat. After we were introduced, he didn’t make a hurried exit as I expected him to. Instead, he wanted to sit me out! I was so mad that I left her in the sitting room and went to the bedroom.

 It took my woman some time before she came to the room. I asked her what in the world she could find attractive in a mere boy and she retorted she was only four years older than he is!

After that incident, she made it clear she was in love with this other man and that I shouldn’t come to the flat again as she didn’t want conflict of interest. I’m still smarting at the injustice of it all. How can I make her see that this young chap is an opportunist, out for what he could get?

Chris
Festac

Dear Chris,
What gave you the impression that he’s an opportunist? Your ex obviously finds this younger man more attractive and would rather throw you over than miss the love a younger man has to offer.

She is no starry-eyed teenager and obviously knows what she wants. Nobody has ever rationalized the chemistry between man and woman.
Your ex obviously doesn’t want to string the two of you along and you must respect her for that. Unfortunately, you are still in love with her. But you have to give yourself time to get over being dumped. It is not your fault; it’s just that your ex wanted a change and for now your emotion is the victim of that decision.
There’s no romantic bone in his body

Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend is great in many ways and I love him to bits. The problem is he never makes me feel special.
I know there are more things in a relationship than mushy cards and presents, but I need some romance in my life. In the two years we’ve been together, he’d never once taken me out without me dropping hints.
I’m fed up with always asking him to – how romantic is that? So should I just grin and bear it?

Dora
Warri
 

Dear Dora,
Why should you grin and bear it? Unless you’ve asked your man to do something how would he know you want him to do it? It’s unfair to expect him to deliver unless you have been clear with him exactly what it is you want.

So without nagging or whingeing, just tell him straight that there’s one thing he’s ignoring that would really make you happy. When he asks what, suggest one or two things he could do without your prompting, like presents and quiet outings. If there are one or two things you want him to do in the bedroom, you should also speak up.’

And, most importantly, wherever he delivers, show him how happy you are. If he’s as nice a man as you say he is, then once he knows what to do, he’ll love to please you.