By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,

Do you think a person’s past can tell you what they’ll be like in the future? I’ve just met a smashing guy but was shocked to find out that he’s never been in love before and he is over 30!

He hasn’t even had a relationship that’s lasted more than four months! He says it’s because he is a workaholic but I’m a bit nervous about taking this relationship further.Do you agree that by now he should have had something longer-lasting? Is he a commitment phobe; if so, should I run?

Lade, by e-mail.

Dear Lade,

Alarm bells would be ringing for me too, if I were in your shoes. Generalising, if a man’s half-decent to look at, with reasonable social skills, I’d expect someone at his age to have had a few relationships, some lasting a year or so.

ALSO READ: Do you know to whose phones your teenage daughter is sending her nude pictures?

Not having been in love is not that important. We all have different definitions of love and he may mean he hasn’t met a woman he wants to stay with for the rest of his life.

As for his being a commitment phobe, no commitment at all to any long-term relationships after 30 usually does mean he could have unrealistic expectations, be a commitment phobe or a rather unsavoury combination of the two.

It looks as if you’ll be this guy’s first proper relationship and, since he hasn’t anything to compare or to our learn from, he’ll make his first-time mistakes with you. Are you prepared for that to happen, being more experienced in love than he is? It all depends on whether you’re prepared to be patient and willing to take a risk.

So, what’s this career of his? If it really requires intensive concentration, long working hours and extensive travel, he might be telling the truth.

The question you really need answer to is this. ‘Is he willing to change his focus to include a relationship in his life now?’

The answer to that will tell you all you need to know.

Vanguard News Nigeria