Dear Bunmi,

My girlfriend of two years not only loves sex, she turns really aggressive in bed. She’s like a sergeant major, barking orders all the time and telling me what to do and when. I try to please her but she’s so demanding and this is very demoralising. Why can’t she let me take control now and again, instead of bullying me in bed?

Lanre, by e-mail.Dear Lanre,

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There is really a thin line between assertive and bossy, but has it occurred to you that there’s equally a thin line between being accommodating and a wimp? Most women want a confident, assertive lover who isn’t afraid to take control – real take control, instead of asking for permission.

Sex is a power game and if you want to play, you have to be prepared to take a considered risk. Decide to play the game your way for once and let her know by being firm and clear with your instructions that you’re in charge this time. Try gently showing her what you want and how to deal with it. Once in a while, let her have her way, just as a compromise.

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