Dear Aunty Julie,
I’ve been in love and it has been three years already. But the problem is he was my teacher at school, even though right now I am studying at university and I don’t see him, but still I have feelings for him.
Of course I couldn’t say anything about this and he knows nothing about my feelings for him. But it’s painful. I am fed up, but still continue to love him. My question is, how can I make myself forget him, stop liking him and understand that there is nothing that can happen between us?
He is 28 years old, and there is an age difference between us. I am 19.
That is really a long time to have such strong feelings for someone. Three years!
Falling in love is exciting, but it also involves lots of other feelings including being scared, confused and frustrated. This can happen in all crushes, but when it involves someone you aren’t ‘allowed’ to love it can make it so much more difficult.
You said you are frightened by the fact that you fell in love with your teacher. Don’t be worried by this or think you are unusual. Many people develop feelings for teachers because we can feel supported by them and they can care about us. For many people, their teachers are the best role models they have in their lives and develop strong feelings as a result.
Unfortunately you can’t make yourself forget about him or stop liking him. Often the more we try to push something (or someone) out of our mind, the harder it is to do. So try to let go of the shame around loving him and the belief that you need to stop thinking about him in this way.
It may be helpful to remind yourself what while there are many things you like about him, it may be a picture you have developed in your mind, because you haven’t seen him for awhile. Also, think about what you want from a relationship and if you feel you would want the same things, considering the age difference between you.
Have you been spending time with guys at uni? Sometimes it just helps to spend time with other guys. You may not develop strong feelings for them, but you might find they also have the qualities you like about your teacher.
When you are feeling frustrated that you will never get over him, remind yourself that you will, it’ll just take time.