By Yetunde Arebi
HI, It is said that what you donâ€™t know cant hurt you. So, most women love to turn a blind eye to the activities of their men, even when the obvious signs that they are playing around are glaring. Many are even of the opinion that as long as these other women know the territorial boundaries, there can be no problem.
Sadly, many men are also being forced by prevailing global economic and social situations to follow these paths. But is love or relationship worth preserving when partners are forced to look the other way just to maintain the status quo and not rock the boat, while the other goes about enjoying the licence offered by his/her sex and libido, while endangering the lives of their partners and family members?
Is it not enough emotional and psychological trauma to discover that a spouseÂ is dating someone else? Naturally, one feels hurt, spited, betrayed and cheated. Oftentimes, insecurity and helplessness creeps in, and one begins to wonder for how long one has been deceived to believe in a deceitful partner.
To make matters worse, is the manner with which these discoveries are made. Some are so callous such that the chain of trust is broken and may never be repaired, the relationship ending abruptly.
For those who decide to remain in the murky waters, the seeds of doubt, already sowed, can only lead to a life of suspicion and webs of lies. Some respondents share their experiences with us.. Please, send your contributions/views and opinions on this issue to The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: firstname.lastname@example.org cheers!!
Adebisi, (37), an Advert Manager tellls the story of how his girlfriend paid him an unscheduled visit, only to discover that he had just married someone else:
When she came and saw the set-up, she felt really terrible and I could see that she wanted to cry. I was really ashamed of myself.
My father scolded me in front ofÂ the two women. He said I ought to haveÂ informed her before I got married soÂ that I wouldnâ€™t have createdÂ problems for anyone. All the blame was heaped on me and I had to agree with them. I was made to apologize to the two women.
Though Tinuade insisted she wanted to leave that day, the family prevailed on her and she passed the night with them. She left for Kano the next morning. Itâ€™s a day I canÂ neverÂ forget. Tinu and my wife are now friends and they communicate with each other regularly.
I am however forbidden to visit Kano. Not because the â€œdecreeâ€ was passed by Joke, but more importantly because I donâ€™t want to hurt anyone any more. I have now more or less, lost all my friends in Kano because I canâ€™t return their visits when they visit me.
I am trying to regain the trust and confidence my wife once had for me.
The victim in our next story might actually be in a serious dilemma if adequate care is not taken. You may probably be able to offer plausible solutions to her problem. Efe is 24, an undergraduate and engaged to Emeka 28, a yuppie business man.
The traditional wedding has been scheduled for Dec. so they stay together whenever she is in town. However, Efe is back with her parents because of her fianceeâ€™s dangerous philandering. Her story.
â€œI just had to leave the flat and come home to my folks. I think I have heard enough lies for one week. I donâ€™t know why he just canâ€™t tell me the truth! I am definitely not going to ask him to take me to the girl or something crazy. I just want to know what he is up to and prepare myself for our future.
This is the second time I am going through such treatment. How do I know there wonâ€™t be other occasions.
It is now obvious to me that Emeka is a reckless, skirt chaser and he is not likely to stop anytime after our wedding. As the situation is, my parents will not tolerate anything negative I say about him. They will not even hear that I am having second thoughts about him.
The wine carrying has already been performed and the marriage sealed by the two families. Once the traditional wedding is done, the other things are just socials, nothing important.
As far as my parents are concerned, we are already married. But his womanising is just getting out of hand. I am beginning to suspect that he is not dating normal girls on the street, but patronising prostitutes.
We have been staying together since April. His people have come to pay my dowry and our traditional wedding has been fixed forDecember by which time Iwould have finished school.
Though with ASUU strike, I wonder if things will still remain as planned. Emeka came home early last week Tuesday, complaining that he had a fever. He said he had stopped at the hospital already and has taken an injection. He also brought several medication with him.
I felt concerned and tried my best to take care of him. Then, later in the evening he told me that the doctor wouldÂ be coming home to see me too since it was most likely I had caught the infection too.
I was startled, â€œWhat kind of infection is thatâ€ I asked him. He said it was a kind of rareÂ fever and that the doctor would explain to me when he came around. Then I started to suspect him.
I told Emaka that 1 didnâ€™t want a repeat session of what had happened last October. He must give me an accurate explanation of whatever was wrong with me.
I swore I was not going to agree to any silly check up or rounds of injections without objections.
Last October when I came for the holidays, Emeka had brought his doctor home, saying he would carry out a routine check-up for both of us.
The doctor had collected various specimen urine, blood, swab, etc. then he gave me an injection that night and the next day he came back and said I was alright but will take two more injections and some drugs.
I had collected them without much protest, but I didnâ€™t complete my dosage of the drugs because I felt there was nothing wrong with me.
So this time, I was furious that he was trying the same trick on me again. I insisted that I would not see the doctor because I was alright.
Then Emeka told me that if I did not see the doctor that his own illness will not go because I will be passing it back to him. He said it always took him some time to pee whenever he wanted to. I told him I felt no such thing, my own pee comes out when I want it to.
That evening, I went to see a childhood friend of mine, who is a Pharmacist and I explained what was going on. Lolade revealed to me that I must have contracted an infection.
I insisted that I was not seeing anybody except my fiancee. Lolade then told me that he must be feeling guilty thatâ€™s why he could not tell me about it. She advised that I take the medication because we will only keep transmitting it to each other