“Do you think I can have him as mine completely?”
“What do you mean ‘completely’? Does he have someone else?”
“Yes, he does. At least, he says so and seems serious too.”
“So, why are you still hanging with him?”
“Because, I think he just may become mine if I hang a little longer.”
“Well, if he becomes yours that way, there is a possibility he may
become someone else’s after you; because what goes round comes
round.”

As I write this, she is still seeing him. She drives to his house and spends most nights with him these days. She is ready to do anything for him, and I guess he is having a swell time, or so he thinks.

She sings in her pentecostal church. He is just a cell member and his other girl friend is a member of the church too. The lady in question has a good job while he is an engineer. Personally, I believe both of them are losers!

She is a loser because she is not ready to admit truth even though it’s so glaring. She prefers to live in denial like most ladies do today. Sooner than later, she will become so ensnared by his loser qualities that when he dumps her, she won’t know what hit her. Don’t such ladies get dumped every day? Do they learn?

He is a loser because he has gotten himself enslaved to a pattern that will never allow him to settle down and become a man of his own. He is willing to be ‘owned’ by any irresponsible woman who is ready to ‘pay for love’ like this lady in question.

Unfortunately, we find a lot of this happening in Lagos, Port-Harcourt and Abuja and other towns. Most of the women work in prestigious organisations and attend popular places of worship. In fact, they back some of the things they do by citing the Holy Books.

Some fast over their destructive heart desires while others spend time in prayer; others go for one ‘impartation service’ or another all in a bid to get what they desire their own way. So much twisting and turning and many get twisted in the process!

Can a loser in such situation ever win? Maybe, if he or she changes his or her attitude. Let’s check out traits of losers to enable you ascertain if you are dating a loser or married to one, or if you are one yourself.

Some Loser’s Traits

1. Quick Attachment and Expression: You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment and instant planning for the future that you’ll miss the major point – it doesn’t make sense!!

2. Killing Your Self-Confidence: “The Loser” repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel “on guard”, unintelligent and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you’re too fat, too unattractive, and too old. In public, you will be “walking on eggshells” always fearing that you are doing or saying something that will lead to a temper outburst or verbal argument.

3. Cutting Off Your Support: In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends sometimes, even their family. “The Loser” thinks that your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about his behaviour. “The Loser” begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don’t understand the special nature of love you share with them.

4. Drains You Financially: He will ask you to send him recharge cards, ask you please help him out with transport fares etc. He is comfortable to have you settle bills, explaining how bad things have been for him lately. He never has money yet he comes from nowhere to control how you spend your money.

5. Always Has Fantastic Ideas: He keeps telling you if only he gets so, so and so loan, he will be able to do this and that before the end of the year. He spends a lot of time talking about contracts.

6. Ever Willing to Move Into Your Apartment: He is eager to move into your apartment and when he does, he will not contribute anything to domestic needs. Soon, your neighbours will start telling you how he brings in ladies of easy virtue whenever you leave him at home.

I can go on and on but that will not provide much help. Victims must come to terms with the fact that the longer you stay with a loser, the more you remain a loser yourself. You need help; you need to change. Talk to a counsellor or relationship coach.

It’s usually not easy to meet prospects for marriage if you often stay indoors. You may join us at the “LET’S GET MARRIED” (Lagos Speed Dating Event with Jerome) on 4th September, 2010, where 50 gainfully employed gentlemen can meet with 50 ladies in a romantic environment. For details and registration, call +234-8053537663.

For counselling on relationships, marriage and career, call Jerome on +234-8037194335. You may add him as friend on FACEBOOK as JEROME YAOVI CODJO-ONIPEDE or visit www.jeromeistalking.com for further inquiries.