Dear Bunmi,

I am in my early 60s and very youthful, fit and forward looking. I’ve lived in my own house for over 10 years. My wife died and the two children of the marriage are now happily married.

About three years after my wife died I met this divorcee, who was an assistant principal in a secondary school in my home-town. She was a lovely looking woman and encouraged my friendship. We met as often as we could and telephoned regularly.

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Though I made her believe I wasn’t loaded, I still spent a lot of money on her and her two sons. It was then decided that she should ask for a transfer to Ibadan where I was based. To my utter surprise, she stopped any contact with me, and when I went to her school, I was told she had resigned.

You can than imagine how amazed I was when I heard from her recently. She carried on as if nothing had happened, telling me she had to relocate because her ex-husband was harassing her. She told me none of her feelings had changed and would want to be with me for the rest of her life. She was definitely nice to have around when we had a relationship but, at my age, I don’t know if I want to go through the heartache she caused me the first time.

Walter, by e-mail.

Dear Walter,

This woman of yours recognises your vulnerability. A lot of lonely men would have responded to the fact that an attractive and apparently well-educated woman is interested in them. Who knows how many other men this schemer had strung along? 

An unscrupulous person could adopt many personalities to easily persuade an admirer to part with their hard-earned money. I bet for her, the temptation to take you for as much money as she did was hard to resist.

You obviously would have loved to share a stable relationship again and you should look closer at your surrounding, as there are women all around who long for the friendship of a decent man like you. Instead of a fraudulent distant lover, reach out for a more decent, down-to earth one. 

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