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Big, bold and sexy!

David, a young handyman once confided in me some years back, why he had to stop going to a former neighbour’s place to work. The guy, a very handsome and virile looking chap was a plumber whose services did not come cheap because of his obvious packaging, I guess. Quite decent and neat, intelligent too, so he was a delight to have come in to fix stuff. And David chose his clients too which gave us the false impression that we were getting the best service available.

The neighbour he said, made a pass at him that he was not very comfortable with. Trust me to be all ears at such a gist. I latched at it immediately for reasons he had no idea of. According to him, he had too much respect for her husband and could not betray his trust in such a manner. The lady, obviously a bit younger than ‘chief’ (as everyone called him) was not getting enough attention from her husband who was always on the move, attending to business. Her problem was however not limited to frequency but the quality of the sex. She confided in this chap that because of the size of ‘chief’s’ stomach, sex was limited to only one style, she on top. Secondly, chief was so out of shape or perhaps could not be bothered since he had acquired for himself, a trophy wife who was expected to keep him happy in exchange for the money and exotic lifestyle, only lays on his back, kneading and sometimes snagging on her breasts, while she works him to orgasm. Once done, he rolls over and sleeps. His excuse was always tiredness. And since she didn’t want him dead on her, she’d learnt to endure her dissatisfaction on silence. Besides, chief says he expects her to take care of herself while at it. After all, she was in control.

David said the lady was always playing catcher with him anytime he came around. Asked what catcher meant, he told me she would always pinch his bum or grab his crotch when he was busy working such that he would not be able to shake or slap her hands off him immediately. (a dare devil chick right there, if you ask) She had a simple request, he said. She needed someone to hump and bear down on her, missionary style and wanted him. After trying fruitlessly to entice the young man with money and some of her husband’s wristwatches and fabrics as gifts, she decided to make him jealous by informing him that she had found a manageable replacement for him. And guess who? One of the PHCN or are they DISCO guys now? The young man told me he felt terrible and decided to stop working for them, lest he be implicated whenever the bubble bursts. I had a good laugh that day because the whole gist just summed up my thoughts about the couple right from the get go. He was surprised when I told him that chief might be in the know but does not want to bother. Hmm! It’s possible. I’ve discussed with a couple of guys who told me they will not do away with their wives simply on the ground of infidelity.  Anyway, that’s not the topic for today.

In this edition, we are talking about obesity and how those on the big side can achieve as much fun and satisfaction as possible in their sex life.

Obesity, having excess body fat or weight is currently at an all time high in the history of mankind, a recent study has revealed. Abdominal obesity, most common, is also known as belly fat or clinically as central obesity. This simply describes excessive abdominal fat around the stomach and abdomen. Abdominal obesity is however not confined only to the elderly and obese persons because of its various types.  There is the visceral fat, also known as organ fat or intra-abdominal fat, which is located inside the peritoneal cavity, between the internal organs and the torso. The subcutaneous fat is found underneath the skin, while intramuscular fat is found interspersed in skeletal muscle. Instructively, it is the excess of visceral fat, which is composed of several adipose depots including mesenteric, epididymal white adipose tissue (EWAT) and perirenal fat that is known as the “pot belly” or “beer belly” effect because it makes the abdomen protrude excessively.

The effect of fat on the physical aesthetics is not the only issue here, let’s not forget the obvious correlation of obesity and cardiovascular diseases. Obesity has also been linked to Alzheimer’s disease as well as other metabolic diseases. Added to these, belly fat also increases the conversion of testosterone into Oestrogen. This means that as a male you are actually getting more of the female hormone, Oestrogen, than the testosterone that you need to drive your skills in the bedroom.  Unfortunately too, the more Estrogens in your  system, the more abdominal fat you will accumulate. Also, the lower the testosterone, the lower the love drive.

The emotional effect of excess body fat can lead to stress which also causes loss of muscles mass, decreases bone density and again, drives libido level down. Excess weight can crush satisfaction and self-esteem too. Extremely overweight women do report less satisfaction with their sex life, while two-thirds of heavy women say they cringe when a lover sees them undressed. And wait for this! Excess belly fat often triggers inflammation in the arteries, which makes them unable to secrete nitric oxide, therefore, less able to enlarge. The result is reduced blood flow not just to your heart, but also to other critical organs, including the genitals.

We all know that it is near impossible for a man to gain full erection without adequate flow of blood to the penis, just as a woman need the same to enjoy clitoral stimulation. Please note that I am not inferring to the typical tummy fat which we all need a bit of to help cushion our organs, maintain internal body temperature and as source of back up fuel, according to Nutritionist, physician, scientist and author, Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH.  Nevertheless, all these do not mean that you cannot enjoy a fulfilling sex life no matter how big you may be. Forget the stereotyping about fat men having small penises and fat women having big or wide vaginas, these are mere perceptions. A man may appear to have a small penis simply because it is extremely difficult to see same from a frontal view, laid on his back, he sure will appear more impressive. Perhaps, reason for chief’s unflinching love for the position.

The good thing is that weight and size of organ neither guarantees that sex will be great or not so great. A good stamina, skill and sexual position, will no doubt maximise your game anytime you hit the sheets. Lets quickly go through two basic positions that will help no, matter how big you are.

Preparing the groundwork

To get started, you need to do some ground work that will help you do the job. First, you need some big, firm pillows and firm, springy mattresses. Pillow top mattresses tend to be a bit tricky for fat people since you will only sink down into them rather than spring back. You will also need some lubricants. This is because you may encounter some problems navigating into a fat woman if she is not properly lubricated. Fat women tend to have more padding around the vagina than the thin ones, so you will need to take your time to part the labia. Not all positions work well for fat people, even though most people have problems getting most positions right, anyway. Styles involving spooning are not very ideal for the fat woman as the mound of flesh will most likely get in the way, making contact difficult. Be open to communication as this is like the torch you will use to see your way through a dark tunnel. We all know the important role communication plays in any relationship and you will surely need it if you are to explore the best positions that will work for you.

Because of your tricky situation, a good sense of humour will be required. You will need to boost up your confidence level too as you must be in tune and in terms with your body to make it work for you.

The missionary

The size difference between you and your partner will go a long way in determining if this sex position will be easy or difficult. A big belly and thick thighs can make things pretty funny in the missionary position. However, all you need are a few modifications and the pillow is your friend here. The amount of pillows you will need depends on how overweight you and your lover are. Put a pillow under either the small of your back or right under your butt until her vagina is at an angle where penetration is made easy. For added effect, she can draw her knees up and pull her thighs toward her chest, while the man will balance on his hands and perform his manly duty.


There is the tendency for the fat woman to shy away from getting on top of her man because she thinks she will crush or suffocate him, especially if the man were smaller. According to Hanne Blank in her book, Big Big Love- A sex and relationship guide for people of size (and those who love them), “No, you aren’t going to crush, smother, suffocate, smash, or otherwise injure anyone you have sex with…even if you’re honest-to-god super duper fataroonie fatapalooza fat fattity fat.” ( I love the sound of that) Really, there is absolutely no reason not to ride the cow till it comes home. Only that you may need to move your fat around until it feels comfortable. Or pick that hanging belly up if need be and get that butt moving. A fat woman cannot afford to be lazy in bed. And if the guy is the one with the weight, the pillow will come to the rescue again here as he would need it to raise his bum to put himself in better view. Try to evenly distribute your weight by planting your hands firmly on the bed instead of sitting straight up. Note that being a fat girl on top can be physically exhausting and awkward to figure out. If you find that you become tired, allow your partner to hold you still and do all the thrusting from below! ! Fantastic bullish strength of the giant!

For bonus, the lady can ride him in the reverse way and the guy can bend his knees. If she has great strong legs, she may go for the squatting position. Otherwise, she can just grind her body back and forth against the guy’s member. This is great for clitoral stimulation!!


Do have a great weekend!!


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