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Is he a con artiste?


Five years ago, I got a loan from the bank I still work with to buy a four-bedroom bungalow. Shortly after, I met my current partner after over two years of nursing a broken heart.

My partner was then living rent-free in a flat at his family house and later moved in with me. I currently pay the mortgage on the house while he takes care of other bills which don’t come close to my monthly expenses on the house.

He’s now throwing hints about us getting married and how it would be the proper thing to do to make him a joint-owner of the house. I’m a bit hesitant to do this as I earn lots more than he does. If eventually we separated, God forbid, I would be nursing a broken heart all over again – not to talk about the loss of full control of my house. How do I tackle my partner? I truly love him.


Dear Debora,

You’d been hurt once but how many warning signs do you really need? Like

many financially successful women in dicey relationships, you’re afraid he might stop loving you if you don’t hand over the string of your purse to him.

Well, if he really cared about you, he would jump at the chance to protect you.

Now he wants to be an equal partner in your property when he doesn’t earn as much as you do!

You’ve got to face the fact that your current partner is a freeloader. He was living off his parents when he met you, now he’s living off you. Make it clear that you don’t plan to alter the mortgage of the house you bought before you met him – you saved for the deposit on the house, so why should he have any claim to it?

 If he still insists on being a co-owner as a prerequisite to marriage, then you’ve got your warning as to the type of person he really is!


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