By Bunmi Sofala
WHEN Phillip split up with his long-term lover last year, he expected the process to be emotionally painful. What he didn’t expect was to be virtually taken to the cleaners by her greed. “I was a happy divorcee when I met Dorothy eight years ago. Pretty and highly intelligent, she ran a fairly successful employment agency. But as the economy continues to take a lot of battering, her clients dwindled and I had to bail her out most of the time. I put her on a fairly generous allowance and continued to pay for the rent on her office premises”, explained Phillip.
“In the end, we both decided she was better off running her business from home. In the meantime, she wasn’t prepared to cut down on her extravagant lifestyle. We had a son together and because of him, I couldn’t kick her out. Whatever affection I must have felt for her quickly dwindled as stories of how he’d short-changed a few friends and some of my business contacts filtered in. The day the chairman of my company came to demand the money Dorothy borrowed from him to fund a bogus business, I realised the relationship was dead. It – was an exorbitant amount and the poor man advanced her the money when she said she’d cleared things from me. I was out of the country then and he had no doubt to suspect anything since he was as close to both of us as if we were family.
“We had a lengthy discussion and I told her I was prepared to resettle her in a flat of her choice. I would have offered her one of the flats on- my own property but was afraid she might sell it behind my back! She told me she would rather relocate abroad where she’d studied before. She would leave our son with my mother and after she’d settled down, I could bring him on one of my visits. I was generous with what I gave her apart from the plane tickets. She called a few times to tell me how difficult it was to find accommodation and demanded for more money, which I sent to her. After which I heard absolutely nothing from her. Her phone went straight to mail-voice until it totally died. Worried, I contacted one or two of her close friends and they told me she still called them. I was puzzled.
“A few weeks later, I was to go to my home-town for the 10th burial rites of my dad who was a big chief in the town. I reached for my portable safe which I usually put at the bottom of my wardrobe and was alarmed to find it missing. As I held the key in my hand, I wondered what could have happened to it. Did I misplace it? I searched everywhere until I had to admit my worst fears – Dorothy must have absconded with the safe. It contained very expensive coral beads, chunky gold necklaces and two or three solid gold wrist watches which included a Rolex. My heart really sank into my shoes. How could someone I’d spent so many years with, and with who I had a child together rip me off in such a cruel way?
“Frantically, I made efforts to get in touch with her. Her close friends said they’d lost contact with her and her mother said she only heard from Dorothy when she wants to send money to her. She always used a public telephone or a mobile which caller’s identity was off. I was dazed. I knew she could be a bit devious, but for her to abandon even her only child because of money left me wondering how I could be that bad a judge of character. Our son is still with my mother up till today and she’d never bothered to speak to him directly. Her mum visits, of course. I wonder if she even bothers to find out about her son’s welfare from her mum. Thank goodness the wrist watches were insured and I was able to claim for their theft from my insurance company.
“Up till now I don’t know what to make of my experience with Dorothy. You go into a relationship thinking everything will be alright. You think you really know someone, but you don’t. I still feel like such a mug. How could I be taken in so easily? I’ve always boasted of being able to sniff out good business ventures from bad – beats me how I couldn’t suss out Dorothy’s deception after my experience with a lot of women.”
With recession biting harder than we’d ever imagined, a lot of so called lovers think nothing of their pride as they make elaborate plans to dupe their partners. Lola had been involved with Jide.her lover; for years. He worked in the banking sector and had helped facilitate loans for her import business. Unfortunately, his bank had to down-size and he was one of the casualties. “He got a generous retirement allowance,” said Lola, “and his friends promised to rally round whenever he needed financial assistance. And they were good at their words – at first. But then, they got tired of having to bail him out of one bad business venture after another. True Jide had helped a lot of them when he was top-dog at the bank, but they weren’t prepared to give him soft landing any time he had a nasty fall. Because they knew he was an alcoholic and a chronic womaniser.
“I was a bit indignant when it looked as if his friends had abandoned him, so I offered to continue to help him. So when his mother was diagnosed with cancer, and he had to pay crippling bills, I chipped in as his wife wasn’t making that much money. But the bills got higher and higher that in the end I stopped being so helpful. I had my business to run and I wasn’t prepared to cripple it even for him.
Out of the blues, I ran into a younger sister of his who I’d helped to get employment at a friend’s shop and I asked after their mother. She told me their mother was fine. And her cancer? Was she in remission? She looked puzzled. Their mother was fine, she assured me. Maybe I was mixing their mum up with someone else. I apologised and called Jide as soon as I could. Brazenly, he told me he had to invent his mum’s cancer to get money he desperately needed of me. If he’d told me what he needed the money for, I wouldn’t have given him. I was shocked. How could he have crashed so low? I washed my hands off him immediately. It’s true what they say, that the love of money is the
root of all evil.”
How To Boost Your Libido
1Sexy Food: We all know about oysters – Casanova was a 40 a day man and their lusty reputation is probably due to their high zinc content. This mineral increases sperm production and reputedly sends your libido through the roof. However, if you can’t stand slurping oysters, try turkey instead as that’s high in zinc, too.
For pudding, nibble a’ banana – not only will it look naughty, but these fruits are believed to be aphrodisiacs, as they’re rich in the sexy chemical bufotenine. Polish off your meal with chocolate – high ~ theobromine, a substance that fights fatigue to give you staying power. _
- Sexy Exercises: Start taking regular exercise – two or three times a week for 15-20 minutes and your libido will receive a much needed kick up the pants. It will also give you more confidence in your body and promote flexibility. Studies have also shown that exercise increases genital blood flow. So try pilates or yoga and you’ll be working your way through the Kama Sutra in no time.
- Sexy Supplements: Ginger is considered to be an aphrodisiac in African countries and also in traditional Chinese medicine. It’s a well known stimulant, it can improve your circulation and relieves flatulence! ‘
Ginseng is another traditional remedy for va-va-voom between the sheets, although there’s no actual evidence for this. Generations of Chinese couples swear by it, but if you’re pregnant, or on any medication, consult your doctor before use.
If low energy’s your problem, and you suspect that you’re not getting all the vitamins you need from your diet, then try taking a multivitamin supplement such as Supradyn Recharge. It contains 300 per cent of the recommended daily amounts of vitamins Band C, which are important for physical exercise and used up more quickly when we’re suffering from stress. When 20 women took it over a four-week period one in three experienced energy highs and all women felt their energy levels had increased.