DearBunmi,
I’ve been having an affair with a married man for the past year. I’m in my late 20s
and he is 39. We met at work and used to flirt a lot, but he got married and so I assumed nothing would ever happen between us.

But then he seemed to fall for me in a big way and we declared our love for one another.

Recently, however, he’s been on a real guilt trip and I don’t see much of him.

He’ll only visit me at home and never stays for long. We’ve never had full sexual intercourse, although we do satisfy each other. I feel used, but I’m single and have a high sex drive, so
I don’t want to break up with him.
Deronke, by e-mail.

Dear Deronke,
I think you should cut him loose! I predict he’ll be as relieved as you when his hit-and-run visits can stop. If anything resembling a relationship had been on the cards, it would have happened when you were both free and single.

Instead, you’ve got yourself stuck on an unavailable man whose presence in your life keeps you stirred up sexually, but with whom, by mutual agreement, you don’t have sexual intercourse.

Build up a network of male and female friends and get out more, once you do this,
it’ll only be a matter of time until you question why you’ve never dated other men, and whether this arm’s – length lover hasn’t actually helped you keep real-life boyfriends at bay all these years. Make it your New Year resolution to wash him out of your bai !