By Bunmi Sofola

A ccording to Andy, a relationship counsellor, these five steps come in handy when you want to save a troubled marriage:

Love-gone-sour

1.When you’re in a hole, stop digging. Under pressure, we tend to try the same failed strategy again and again. Even though we know pushing for an answer; getting angry or going silent doesn’t’ work, we imagine doing it one more time (but bigger, louder or far longer) will change things. It won’t.

2.Stop playing tit-for-tat. He does something horrible and you match him. Soon it tK4Jecome a race to the bottom.

3.Just for a second, put your feelings to one side and step in your partner’s shoes.

How does your relationship look now and what would you like to do differently?

4.Make a full apology. This is different from saying sorry. First acknowledge any behaviour that you regret; next, identify how this might have made him feel and then apologise. Please don’t explain

why you acted as you did – that’s for another day – because it can sound like an excuse and lessen the power of your apology.

5. Be the big one. If you love your husband – and if not, why are you spending hours talking about him to your girl-friends – do you love him enough to give without any expectation (in the short term) of getting anything back?