By Bunmi Sofola
REVENGE sex—done purely to get back at someone who’s hurt you—rarely pays off even though it sounds great in theory. Your partner cheated on you; why not get your own back by cheating on them so they can see how it feels to get hurt? Deolu found out the hard way that bonking other women because his girlfriend hurt him brought him a lot of misery. “It put me into an awful situation and I don’t know how to get out of it”, he admitted.
“My girlfriend and I have been an item for nine months now and everything was going on well except for one thing—she’s a chronic flirt and she always flirts with one of my best friends who is more good-looking than I am. Her flirting really gets to me that when I met one of her friends at a party where I was very drunk, I flirted with her to get even. The girl ended up following me into an empty bedroom, came onto me and we ended up having sex. I mean, what a man wouldn’t if it was offered to him on such a platter? I didn’t really intend taking things that far but I was drunk, like I said earlier, and just went along with it.
“You can then imagine how dumfounded I was when this girl went back to the party and told my girlfriend what happened. Apparently my girlfriend once stole one of her boyfriends a few years ago and it was pay-back sex for her. Well, it was the same for me—I only did it to get at my girlfriend for flirting with my best friend but now it’s all a mess. I managed to convince my girlfriend that her friend was lying but you can tell she doesn’t trust me any more. How I wish I could win her trust back…”.
Have you ever heard of so much revenge sex going on within a short period? Deolu slept with his girlfriend’s friend to get even with her for flirting; the friend slept with Deolu to get even with Deolu’s friend for stealing her boyfriend years before. Just how childish can you get? Some months back, Ruki was fed up with her partner with whom she had a son, for always breaking their dates. So when Maxwell, the partner broke yet another date, she was boiling mad, “She knows I have a wife at home,” he said sadly, “and I can’t always stick to a scheduled appointment as anything could crop up. To my girlfriend however, whenever I wasn’t with her, I must be having a good romp somewhere else.
“This day in question though, my wife agreed to go to the family function we had previously planned alone and I drove excitedly to my woman’s place. Our four-year old son would be away at school, so I was really looking forward to a relaxed afternoon. When I got to her place, I was surprised her door was opened. So I went in, bounded up the stairs to her bedroom and opened the door. I watched transfixed as I saw this man’s bum in the air making frantic love to the mother of my child! When she saw me, her eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. I went back downstairs and waited. A few minutes later, she came into the living room where I still sat as if all that was happening had nothing to do with me. Lover-boy must have exited through the kitchen door.
“Why?’ was the heart breaking question I asked her. As she babbled on about how she thought I wasn’t coming, how the man was an old friend that just happened along, I took my car keys and left. I haven’t heard from her since—give her kudos for having a conscience and having the commonsense not to flog a dead horse. I loved that girl, stuck my neck out to have a child with her because she wanted one. Now what? We would eventually get together to discuss the welfare of our son, but I’m pretty certain I’ll never make love to her again. The site of that bum bouncing away at her will hunt me for a very long time…”
With revenge sex, there is this brief powerful moment just before the deed is done. Sadly, a lot of people report a long-lasting low the second it’s over. “It’s a cheap, trashy thing to do,” said Mutiat who was once a victim of revenge sex, “and that’s how you feel afterwards. The person you did it with feel used and most decent people feel even worse about themselves. On top of all this, there’s the fact that if there ever was any hope of reunion with the partner you’re trying to get even with, you would have blown it by having sex with someone else…”
In Deolu’s case, it wasn’t even ‘an eye for an eye’. His girlfriend merely flirted with a mate he’s clearly jealous of. She didn’t kiss him or sleep with him or do anything horrid behind his back. His rushing into full-blown sex with another woman might be either because he was gagging for sex or he never really cared for this girlfriend he said he was in love with. He needs to grow up though. What he did was the stuff of teenagers— not grown-ups.