By Donu Kogbara

SINCERE APOLOGIES

Sorry for my 4-week absence from the pages of this newspaper. I had to take a break because of var ious pressures, i n c l u d i n g a v e r y unpleasant bout of typhoid. You will no doubt notice that this Sweet And Sour space has been r e d e s i g n e d a n d effectively re-launched. Please let us know whether you like the new look.

Many people who have visited or called me in recent weeks have expressed the view that this election campaign is extremely boring. And they’re 100% correct. President Jonathan oozes cool, calm dependability; but while it is good that he has an unflappable, unflamboyant and sensible personality, I yearn for him to be boldly passionate from time to time, and to make a few inspirational speeches.

Jonathan’s opponents are also failing to provide animated rhetoric. The ACN Presidential candidate, Nuhu Ribadu, was famed, when he headed the EFCC, for having fire in his soul and acid on his tongue. But he has become exceedingly dull of late.

And whenever he opens his mouth nowadays, I feel like falling asleep.

As for Buhari of CPC, yes, he possesses strong convictions and attracts enthusiastic roars from adoring hordes in the North. But, let’s face it: Supporters who attend political rallies tend to be undiscriminating. One doesn’t have to utter any thrilling words to whip them up into an approving frenzy.

I’m a bit more fussy than those whose lofty regard for Buhari is unconditional and he is way too dry an orator for my taste. He does not lift my spirits or move me to rage. I never feel like standing up to cheer when he says things that I agree with; and I can’t be bothered to shout at the TV when he says things with which I disagree. I hear him out listlessly and without much interest.

My attitude towards other presidential racers – Professor Pat Utomi, for example – is similar. I don’t dislike any of them because none of them comes across as totally obnoxious. And they all make intelligent points about crucial issues on occasion. But listening to them is never a stimulating experience.

The truth is that even when all of the above raise their voices, forcefully punch their air with their fists, make controversial statements or accuse each other of various misdemeanours, their delivery is largely lifeless and limp. And if they ever participate in a public debate about the wares that they are offering the populace, it will probably be lacklustre. Unless they buck up,the of a dreary funeral directors’ convention!
Bluntly put, none of the candidates has been sufficiently eloquent or fervent to date. And I wish they would ginger up verbally because a lot of folks are saying that they are not going to bother to vote in April and a bit of electoral razzmatazz will help to overcome at least some of this unhealthy apathy. A communications expert once told me that how you say something is as important as what you say. And I give him full marks out of ten for this smart observation.

Before fans of Jonathan and his rivals start tocontact me in droves to inform me that their heroes are serious stalwarts, not frivolous entertainers, let me quickly point out that while I will always elevate substance above style, it is possible to be serious and linguistically unpedestrian at the same time.

When the black American civil rights activist, Martin Luther King, made his fantastic and oftrepeated “I have a dream” speech, was he being unserious?

When former British Prime Minister, Harold MacMillan, dramatically referred to “the winds of change” that were sweeping across Britain’s restive colonial outposts in the l950s, was he being unserious? When Barack Obama coined his catchily brilliant “Yes We Can!”campaign slogan, was he being unserious?

Is it too much to ask that those who wish to rule us try harder to awaken our imaginations, touch our hearts and charismatically articulatecollective aspirations?

Are they not more likely to secure admiringmentions in history books if they jazz up their vocabularies and provide us with memorable phrases that will be permanently imprinted on our minds and survive through the mists of time?

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WILL WE EVER COPY ARABS?
Libyans took to the     streets to protest against unwanted tyrants who have sat tight for decades and deprived them of democratic rights and economic progress, Nigerians have been arguing about whether we are capable of emulating these Arab rebels. Some say that we can and will. Others say that we can’t or won’t. And I am flabbergasted because I really don’t know why anyone bothers to discuss this issue at any length. To me, it is blindingly obvious that the average Nigerian’s temperament is not suited to courageous, principled and SUSTAINED protests!

Elderly Arab women have risked their lives and cast aside cultural norms by leaving their family kitchens and joining the protests in Cairo, Tripoli, Sana’a, etc, with their children and grandchildren.

Elderly Nigerian women are more likely to urge their progeny to avoid anti-government wahala at all costs.
Affluent Arab professionals have joined the protests because they care about the lousy treatment that their less privileged brethren are receiving.

Affluent Nigerian professionals don’t have time for
inconvenient radicalism, are only paying lip service when they express concerns for Have Nots and would rather lobby Governors, etc, for benefits than openly challenge their multiple failures. Meanwhile, Nigeria continues to linger complacently at the pinnacle of the annual International Happiness Index.
Despite the awful conditions we battle with daily – the constant electricity outages, corrupt officials who won’t allow anyone who is not their crony to get jobs or contracts on merit, etc – we are mysteriously immune to misery and are consistently described by the Happiness Index pollsters as one of the most joyful nations on theface of the earth.

OK, so Arabs have some problems that we don’t have. For example, no Nigerian leader has been able to inflict himself on us for 30/40 years. But we also have some problems that Arabs don’t have. For example, Egypt (which I have visited), is much more well-organised than Nigeria is likely to be in ure. And it is interesting that Egyptians are so much more disgruntled than we are. the near future.
Nigerians grumble interminably about the status

quo but rarely carry placards because we are not as a general rule, fond of fighting the System. We are natural conservatives who would rather join the Establishment than take it on. We relate to unsatisfactory leaders too deferentially and are too easily bought off, too willing to throw our hands up when we are inconvenienced or traumatised and too willing to shrug and cheerfully manage bad status quos.
Do Vanguard readers share my view that we have plenty to complain about but will never be brave, disciplined, selfless or discontented enough to persistently rock the boat? Or do you think that we don’t have THAT much to complain about and that there is nothing impressive about unruly Arab-style street protests?