Dear Bunmi,

My last boyfriend and I were together for a couple of years. He was a spare parts dealer and was very generous to me but had a foul temper. He used to beat me whenever he said I stepped out of line though he always apologized. In the end, I had to leave him when he almost dislocated the joint in my arm.

My current boyfriend is also nice but a year into the relationship, I discovered he was on drugs. He’s become very abusive and violent. Since my discovery, there are also funnylooking people hanging around him and there are talks that he even has homosexual tendencies. I’m planning to leave this low-life character but I’m afraid that my next bloke would also be an abuser. How do I spot a decent bloke?
Philips
Lagos

Dear Phillips,
Some people have come to associate love with pain. Maybe you had an abusive childhood that makes you believe that the more you suffer the more loving you are; that men can hit you and still love you.

Well, you are wrong and the sooner you changed this belief, the sooner you can get on with your life. You deserve a man who cares and respects you not one that turns you into a punching bag.

Why don’t you take a break from relationships for a while instead of being involved with the first man that shows you love and generosity? Study the next man that comes along and really get to know him before you jump in at the deep end.

Hubby likes me just the way I am

Dear Bunmi,

I am middle-aged and happily married with grownup kids. My husband has always insisted that he has no problems with my naked body but I’m eager to try this body enhancement thing. I have sags and bulges that are really embarrassing me. I need to build my selt-esteem. My husband is dead against it but he is not paying. I can afford to have one as I have a good nest-egg. Should I go for it?

Dotun,
by e-mail

Dear Dotun,
According to a recent research into couples who have been married a long time, women’s bodies remain attractive to their partners-sags wrinkles, and all.

Sadly, a lot of women rarely believe this and it is our negativity about our bodies that is our undoing. We moan about our bulging thighs, floppy stomachs, etc. and that is a turnoff. So when your man says he loves you just the way you are, who are you to disapprove that?