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First time out: (11)

By Yetunde Arebi

Remember that   song “Tonight is  the night”  by Betty    Wright? It’s one of those blissful oldies that takes one tumbling down memory lane, no matter how much we may want to pretend. It talks about those three letter words that we all love secretly but try hard to deny openly.

The lyrics of the song talks about the first time a young lady did the “thing”. The anxiety, the pain and pleasures of the act were relived in the song which opens with a call for listeners to accompany the singer on the journey, though individually.

Have you ever tried to think back, capture the first time you had sex? What was it like, was it as imagined? When did you first have sex?

Why did you do it? With whom and are you still with the person? Given a second chance, will you do the same thing? Together with Onozure Dania, we talked to  respondents and  bring you their responses below.

You too may be a part of this wonderful journey down memory lane. Write and capture those moments with us, bearing these questions in mind. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: We are expecting to read from you. Cheers!

For Stella, (48), a Bank Manager, it was a game they played as kids:
Sometimes, when I see little children playing and I remember what we used to do in those days, I think about that boy and how he must have been having the fun of his life, even though he might have not really understood to what extent then.

He must have had all the girls in the compound and neighbourhood. They eventually moved because his parents were tenants in that house and had rented only one room, which probably explains his early exposure to sex.

The strange thing was that, we were all loyal to him or maybe to each other. I remember this particular incidence that he had chosen one little girl, or probably the girl chose him since we later learnt that it was the girl who had insisted that she too must play the role of mother.

He probably concluded that she knew what that meant and had either been doing it or was ready to do it. So, she ended up with him and on our return, we discovered her weeping. He was trying frantically to shut her up, begging her desperately.

When we learnt what had happened, you will not believe that we all stuck by this boy and told her to shut up. Did she not know what mothers did? Does she want to spoil our game? That was what the game was all about and if she wanted to continue playing with us, she just must accept and stop crying. If she tells anyone, then no one will play with her again.

Even her own brother did not stand up for her. It was that bad. The gang was that closely knitted. It was not as if we didn’t know we were doing something bad, maybe we just didn’t know how bad. I met the guy again about six years ago, I think. He had just changed jobs in one of these big oil companies where a cousin of mine also works.

We had all been in the group. I was surprised when she called me one day, asking me to guess who she had just met. I couldn’t and so she informed me that it is the boy. My heart sank a little, it was as if a ghost had come to life somehow.

I did not realise how much resentful I’d grown of the whole show until then. She told me she’d greeted him politely but did not want to get too fresh with him because of what had happened between us all in the past.

That was when I knew for sure that he’d done it to her too. And though we did not speak about it, we both knew he’d done it to the two of us.

Anyway, she told me he’d asked after me and she’d given him a profile of who and what I’d become. He said he’ll be glad if we all met again, a kind of reunion. Not for anything serious, just to relive the good old days, he’d said. I quickly told her I was not interested.

However, I was to change my mind when I later learnt he’d become a Pastor with one of this big Penticostal churches and a real gentleman.

Abna, (37), Event Planner, regrets not giving it to her husband:
The first time I had sex, proper sex I mean, I was 17. The amazing thing was that nothing happened. I mean, I only felt some pain which is natural when your flesh is being pulled apart. I still feel that same pain even now after two children.

There is no time I have sex that I don’t feel pain, so, that, I am sure was not connected to the fact that I was having sex for the first time. There was no blood or bloody stain too, everything was just normal. It did not feel like I was having sex for the first time where you would have expected that there will be so much pain and blood.

You can imagine how surprised we both were because we had been dating for some months then and I’d made him believe I was a virgin, just as I assumed I was. But he did not take it too badly. We sat back and discussed it like two mature people.

Actually, he was much older than I was, had schooled abroad and must have had considerable experiencewhere relationshipwas concerned.

He asked me several questions about my previous relationship with my first boyfriend. How far we went and all that. When I told him, he said he was sure it was something else I’d done and not what I described to him that I used to do with my ex. He then asked if I’d used tampons before and I said yes.

The tampon was introduced to me by some friends during our girlie chat. I was told that it was more effective for the prevention of spillage and stains than the towel. I remember that one of the girls had even suggested then that it was also good for the preparation of the vagina for eventual sexual intercourse. No one said you could loose your virginity through it.

Another reason I could have lost my virginity earlier and without knowing it he said, is the fact that I could have done some serious and strenuous activity in the past. Instantly, I recalled that in my Primary and Secondary school days, I used to take part in Gymnastics and even represented my school at some competitions then.

That was the most likely reason he said. And everything seemed to just fall into place after that because I had began to feel a bit uncomfortable, like I had lied.

If I were to have a second chance, I would love to loose my virginity the way every normal girl ought to, with a guy. It may not really be in a marriage situation, but it will be in a loving relationship. I truly missed not giving it to that guy you know. He’s my husband.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.