By Tony Ubani
Make una roll out the red carpet. Bring out dancers. Speech writers make una begin write una prose language of grammatical expression for the President and the First Lady. Make una find way include the Falconets in the 50 years celebration of Naija. Where Sir Shina Peters dey? Call on SSS(not the security people wey dey behave like Senior Secondary Students).

Shina Peters come and sing your song again. “Give our women chance to rule. Give our women chance to talk o. Go to India, na woman dey rule….Omoge ijo Shina.. Remember dat chart-bursting album?  Dis is the time to dance it. With our ikebe bent backwards.

Wetin our men, lilly-livered men no fit do. Our women don do am double in far away Germany. How many aircraft we wan use go bring dem? I suggest we carry 11 aircraft with dem parents to go bring dem down to some state house sumptuous celebration. Jonathan gave dem Goodluck and our goalkeeper, too na Goodluck. Our first lady na Patience.

Dem get patience and begin tap football, pass am swiftly, control am amazingly, begin shoot like sharp-shooters, nobi like dat bull wey una call Bull. None of dem karate any player for outside pitch to get red card. Dem coach sit don jeje for em bench, nobi to dey shout instruction like person wey chinchi(bed bug) bite. Na coach wey no do em home work dey pose for TV camera dey do hand like traffic warden. Joy don full my stomach. Wen nobody gave dem chance, naim dem waka with de true Naija spirit. Now, dat shame of South Africa don turn to joy in Germany. Women, na una turn to arise and shine. Aisha Falode, Ayo Omidiran, Princess Jegede, Henrietta Ukaigwe make una blow una vuvuzela. Una time don come. All hail the all-conquering Falcons!!!
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Somebody correct this abnormally

Those wey get hand no get leg. Dem dat get leg no get hand. But dem dat get leg and hand, dem no come equip dem well. No. Not again.

We can’t continue like this. Imagine the injustice. Falconets wey don’t hoist Naija flag for Iroko tree for world come dey receive peanuts in the name of bonus. $200, $500. Haba! Please, make somebody tell EFCC not to freeze all dem account for NFA to allow dem withdraw better money give these Falconets.

Na dem deserver $10,000 dollars bonus. Nobi those super chickens. Nobi those ones wey dey play ball over the bar wen goalkeeper rush go toilet. Na these girls deserve our commendations while those yeye, spoilt men deserve our condemnation. Imagine dat I nearly die of cold in the streets of Soweto becos of yeye, nonsense Super Chickens.

Even the Press no reckon with our high-flying Falconets to accompany dem and go bring better reports home for millions of Naija people. Not even better companies show support. But everybody go come queue now. Make una tell President Goodluck Jonathan dat these na the true amazons to receive national hounours like MON, CON, CFR, GCON.

Nobi Aki and pawpaw. Nobi all those politicians wey put us in this miserable condition. Honestly, our national award don dey wear skirt. Em don dey fall like our currency Naira. No more value. At the rate we dey waka, all of us go soon be award winners.
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Yeye boy,

Make I jus kidnap you now make all those useless ashawo 4 South Africa come pay ransom. We send you to South Africa to go cover World Cup, you go dey write about WHORE CUP. Yeye boy, I enjoy those flicks of yours. Welcome back.

Richard Akinnola, Lagos

Dis man suppose get national award for em contribution to journalism and law. Na my former Oga, I go dey write rubbish and yet em enjoy am. Wetin I for write wen Eagles come shop for SPARS in South Africa and leave World Cup through the back door?
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Coconut head Tony,

I advise make you first go for check-up bifor you begin your rascality again for Naija after your Whore Cup coverage. Frankly, it was the best World Cup coverage with those your Flicks. E make us know more about South Africa and dem way of life. I still dey await my Jabulani and Vuvuzela. But ef you dash me any South African woman, I go manage.

Chidi Afam   [email protected]

I go give you the mother of South African babes, with em potato-induced hip. You go fit carry the load? Na with style we dey carry the load. You fit find out from Ben Alaiya, Christian Opara, Sylva Eleanya, Adekunle Salami, Ben Memuletiwon. Dem follow cover Whore Cup, too.
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Oga Tony,

I no know who to blame. Weda na you or the management of Vanguard. Ebi like dem no know how popular Outraged dey and how many thousands of Nigerians wey dey read am. D only column wey dey give us joy, make us yoli-yoli come disappear wen Vanguard come give one full page for men and women wey dey look for lovers. Promoting promiscuity!. Make dem increase Outraged and make em dey regular.

Bisola Ogunjobi, [email protected]

Thank you. How you take know about dat page wey men and women dey dance Arumba styleee? I promise to be as regular as the northern star wen una write to correct the ills of sports or society. Help me, Outraged readers. Clap, clap, clap!
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