By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve just met a girl I’m crazy about. We have a good sex life at the moment but she hasn’t reached a climax yet. She’s always been eager to have sex whenever I initiated it, though I don’t ask for that often. Could her lack of orgasm have anything to do with my wanting sex? I want her to enjoy the act as much as I do, otherwise I feel selfish. Am I doing anything wrong?
Mustapha
By E-mail

Dear Mustapha,
What you should ask yourself is: would you think less of your girlfriend if she doesn’t want sex? Contrary to popular belief, men are not ready for sex at any time. Like women; they have to be in the mood. That doesn’t mean to say that sometimes, it is not kind to make love with your partner if he or she really wants it, even if you’re not that keen.

As for her not having an orgasm when you make love, if she doesn’t seem to mind and says she enjoys. sex with you, then don’t worry. It is her problem not yours. Girl’s case is no problem at all. So if she says sex is fine for her, don’t nag her about that.

Will men get the wrong impression?

Dear Bunmi,
I broke off with the man I had a first major relationship with a few years back. I have had a couple of relationships since then. The problem is that, lately, every time I have sex my vagina feels slack, as if the man’s penis is sloshing round inside me.

It’s made me anxious about being intimate with men for fear they would think I got so slack from making love with lots of different men. How do I convince them I’m not that cheap?
Basirat
By E-mail

Dear Basirat
Having a wide vagina has nothing to do with how many partners you’ve had. It could be that you’re naturally big, or that your vagina muscles are not well toned.

Try doing a few strengthening exercises, pulling up the muscles that ‘stop the flow’ when you’re having a wee. But don’t let anyone tell you there’s a link between the size of your vagina and your sexual history. The two are two are seldom related.

Will I be hurt again?

Dear Bunmi,

I’ve just started dating a wonderful man. My problem is that I got so badly hurt in my previous relationship that I keep having sleepless nights wondering whether this new man is ‘the one’. Have you any tips to help me know if I’m making yet another mistake?
Victoria
Bye E-mail

Dear Victoria,
I’ve just read a fantastic new idea by an American sex therapist called Dr. Charley Ferrer. It’s called The Ninety-day Plan and it allows you to let go off worry and about whether or not your relationship will work out. It also gives you an exit route. Here’s how:

Is your new man obviously a no – no? If yes, walk away! You don’t need the grief. If no, commit for 90 days. Give your all.  Don’t worry or wobble, and be open and honest . The  real you: Can he handle the real you? If no, walk away. He should accept you for who you are. If yes, great! At the end of 90days, are you happy in the relationship? If no, walk away! Obviously it’s just not right. If yes, commit for another 90 days – reassess,  repeat till you’re sure.