By Imam Ridwan Jamiu

The ideal Muslim family is one bound by a common goal. Living for Allah is the best and real goal one can live for, else, life will be meaningless. Life has no meaning without spirituality. Allah says, “I created jinn and mankind only to worship Me,” Q51:56. Choosing a life partner should be influenced by this consideration. A soul mate is a goal mate. Couple who share the same goal are likely to grow together and stay together.

A family divided in goal may not grow or stay together. This is why Islam prohibits Muslims from marrying idolaters and atheists. It strongly recommends marriage to believing Muslims even if they are slaves, (Q2:221). Three women are given as examples in Surah Tahreem (Q66): two unbelievers and one believer.

The unbelieving ones are the wives of Prophet Nuh and Prophet Lut. Their husbands were never comfortable living with them. The third woman is Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh. When she became Muslim her husband made her suffer terrible punishment. Marrying for this goal will help achieve long-time goal of Islam in preserving Islam in generations to come. One of the best achievements in life is preserving Islam in our lineage. Children from Muslim parents often stick to Islam while children from multi religious families are always confused or end up becoming atheists or skeptics.

Allah says, “Whoever among you cannot [find] the means to marry free, believing women, then [he may marry] from those whom your right hands possess of believing slave girls. Allah is most knowing of your faith. You [believers] are of one another. So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their compensation [Mahr] according to what is acceptable,” Q4:25. Muslim women are absolutely forbidden to marry non-Muslims, (Q60:10).

The Holy Quran also recommends marriage only to chaste and innocent people, not licentious or promiscuous ones. Allah says, “Corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men are for corrupt women; good women are for good men and good men are for good women,”Q24:26.

Divided goal leads to divided interest, and divided interest leads to divided loyalty and arguments. Divided loyalty bears some degrees of resentment which may in the long run strike at the basis of marriage. A family founded on the basis of living for Allah is an ideal family for the ultimate goal in life is to worship Allah and struggle to attain eternal bliss in the Paradise hereafter.

Allah says, “Say, ‘My prayers and devotions, my living and my dying, are all for Allah, Lord of all the worlds; He has no partner. This is what I am commanded, and I am the first to devote myself to Him.’  Q6:162-163 The Prophet said, “When a person whose religious commitment and attitude satisfies you comes to you proposing to marry your ward, marry him [your ward]. Failing, there will be corruption on the earth.”Sunan Tirmidhi, 1090

He said, “Women are married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Look for a religious woman lest you lose [a great fortune].” Sahih Bukhari, 5090 Therefore, the ideal way to choose a spouse is to consider moral uprightness, religious commitment, financial capability [for females] and good lineage.

Intention

Intention comes before any action. The proper intention of a Muslim in marriage should be worship. After all, Nikah is half of the Deen. A marriage committed to Allah is guided and will be blessed by Allah.   When marriage is intended to worship Allah, couple will likely fear Allah in their conducts and their good conducts in the union will be rewarded as meritorious acts of worship.

It is never too late to become what you should have become. Let us all set a goal for our families if we hadn’t set one, and we should all pursue this goal with tenacity so that Allah may bless our union. Couple should also try to have interest in what interests the other in order to strengthen the bond between them.

The ideal Muslim family is one founded on Allah’s guidance

Marriage is a life-long affair which should be informed by one’s goal in life and guidance from Allah. Level of success in life often depends on attitude and self discipline. According to the Qur’an, ignorance and injustice are the greatest factors of corruption in man, (Q33:73). A corrupt person does more evil than good.

Many couples do not learn anything on their rights and duties in marriage nor go for counselling or obtain knowledge on interpersonal relationship and principles of dispute resolutions. They busy preparing for wedding, which is a one-day event and forget to prepare for marriage, which is a life-long event. This is one of the reasons why marriage fails.

Chapter four of the Qur’an is titled ‘WOMEN’ because many aspects of it discuss how to relate with women in general and married women in particular. Suratul Baqarah, chapter two of the Qur’an verses 221 to 242 are exclusively on marital issues.

How many couples study this before marriage? To have a successful Hajj, one must obtain the knowledge of do’s and don’t’s of the rites of Hajj. Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well. Books of Islamic Jurisprudence all carry sections on Nikah (Nuptials).

Building Nikah on solid foundation is building it on Allah’s pleasure. Building marriage on pleasure of Allah is starting one family on the basis of law of Allah and guidance from the Sunnah of the Messenger of ALLAh by following the conditions for the validity of marriage: compatibility (legal and religious, especially), consent of the parties to it, formal consent of the guardian of the woman and presence of witnesses. Dowry and Walimah are also required.

Cohabitation before marriage is against Allah’s guidance. Taking secret lovers is Haram in Islam (Q5:5). Homosexuality is a capital offence. Stipulating that the wife-to-be must be pregnant before the marriage is contracted is alien to Islam and a bizarre condition.

Having more than four wives at a time is against Allah’s guidance. Forcing a ward into marriage is against the Sunnah of the Prophet. A marriage that was hastily concluded because the woman has been illegally impregnated is not an ideal marriage. Wrong start often leads to gloomy end.

Registry marriage [marriage based on Marriage Acts] is against the guidance of Allah. It is unbelievers’ law which Muslims should not subject themselves to. Seeking and relying on the verdict of future-tellers in choosing future partner is misguidance.

Allah says, “Have you seen those (hypocrites) who claim that they believe in that which has been sent down to you, and that which was sent down before you, and they wish to go for judgement (in their disputes) to the Tâghût (false judges, etc.) while they have been ordered to reject them. But Shaitân (Satan) wishes to lead them far astray” Q4:60. Salat al-Istikhara is the ideal way to seek Allah’s guidance.