.Dear Bunmi

Dear Bunmi,

Three years ago, I was due to get married. I met my ex at the university and when I took him home, my parents weren’t impressed with him. They didn’t like the fact that he came from a poor background but I didn’t care. I agreed to marry him when he raised the topic. A few weeks before the wedding, we had a heated argument.

It was my fault as my family’s disapproval and lack of enthusiasm about the wedding stressed me out.

I stormed out of his flat but came back that evening only to find him in bed with another woman. He’d gone out after our row, got drunk and picked her up.

 I was shocked. He blamed me for what he did and told me he didn’t feel like getting married. I was gutted but after three years, I’d more or less moved on. Now he shows up wanting us to try again. I could learn to love him if it’s worth it.

Sherifat, by e-mail.

Dear Sherifat,

I’m surprised you want to try again with this man. Weddings are stressful at the best of times but if you‘re going against your parents’ wishes, then it is no surprise you have these doubts about trying again. It’s not uncommon for couples to bicker as their big day approaches. Marriage is a huge commitment.

 I’m sure he didn’t enjoy the argument that ended your relationship, but he should have been mature enough to wait until you’d both cooled down to talk through what had happened.

Going out, getting drunk and sleeping with another woman almost immediately is not the way to manage a dispute.

Having done the did, he then had the audacity to blame you. As unpleasant as the argument was, you didn’t force him to find another woman and you weren’t to blame for what he did; not to talk of humiliating you and walking out on a well-planned wedding.

Right now, he must feel there is an unfinished business but think carefully before you run back into his arms. Don’t sell yourself short. Talk to him if you must understand why he behaved the way he did. But you need to move on and build a more stable future for yourself.

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