When my partner and I split up four years ago, I was devastated and jumped at a temporary transfer from my office to one of the branches in another state to get away from it all. It was there I met another colleague and we started a relationship, but it ended when I was transferred back to head office. In time, my ex and I got back together and he proposed. We got married early last year and now have a lovely daughter.
When I resumed from my maternity leave, I was shocked to find my ex lover working in head office on temporary transfer. He knew of my marriage and was happy with it.
I was foolish to visit him in the guest house where he was lodged and we ended up making love. I visited a couple of times more but stopped.
He must have blabbed to some of his mates because my husband got an anonymous text and he was furious as he knew of my earlier relationship with this colleague. He was visibly angry and asked me to move out with our baby.
I went to stay with my parents and in spite of my pleadings, he’s refused to have any contact with me. I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with him. Will he ever take me back?
Emma, by e-mail.
You have to respect your husband’s decision for now and give him time to think things through so he could decide what he wants to do. In the meantime, why don’t you write him a letter telling him you love him and that you are really deeply sorry for what you did.
Explain why you did it and ask him to forgive you. Then leave him alone and allow him the space he needs to consider his options.
If he refuses to allow you back into his life, you should respect his wishes. You have done wrong and have to suffer the consequences. If he’s willing to give you another chance — and he might — you need to rebuild your relationship from scratch. You have completely obliterated his trust and confidence in you. You have to regain it slowly, one piece at a time.
You need to show him every day, through your behaviour and your attitude, that you love him and that he can trust you.