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I don’t like sexually submissive women!

Dear Bunmi,

A LTHOUGH I am a happy and healthy man living in a large city, I am having great i. difficulty in finding ‘4 sex partners, since my marriage fell apart 18 months ago. It is common knowledge that there are many middle aged women who are looking for a partner after the loss, by death or otherwise, of their life partners, many who have not lost them still wish to have an intimate relationship outside their marriage. This is in the hope that this extra-marital relationship will provide something that marriage or living together cannot.

Since this is the case, why am I having so much difficulty getting a woman of my choice?

Since I like to be dominant, the more militant females do not interest me. I guess the difficulty is the variety of lively, attractive, high spirited women who are sexually submissive.

I want a challenging partner who is sexually aggressive as I am, as plain sex doesn’t interest me. Is there a woman like that out there? I met one once many years ago, so why has it been so difficult to replace her?

Hassan, by e-mail.

Dear Hassan,

I guess what you want is the reassurance that hot-blooded men can link up with women who attach the same importance to anatomy. Well, it is love, not sex, that makes the world go round. You see yourself as a trophy man, the kind women might like to go to bed with. Or in what way, other than sexually, do you expect these women you’re looking for, to find you attractive?

A woman’s sex drive attracts her to a man. Her emotional sexual response then helps her to choose a suitable partner. Soon his looks lose importance. The same applies when a man courts and wins a female. The pin-up image you have of yourself might be putting off the women you’ve approached, and in the age group you mentioned, most women would rather have stability than one-night stands. So why not try establishing good relationships first and see what sexual bonus develops?


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