By Pastor Okokon Ating

Anyone who does not give to his/her spouse despite the fact that they live togeth-er, implies they are not rich toward God. Pastor Mfon-Obong Akpan in his book, Little Foxes That Destroy Greatness says: “Selfishness always ends in self destruct-ion”.

The rich man died without enjoying the wealth he ac-quainted. I then put this question across to all my readers, “if a rich spouse dies, who owns the riches left behind? This leads me to a  story of a family I am ac-quainted with. This is a young man who is married to a very pretty lady, both of them were blessed with six children—five girls and one boy. They both work in a Lagos bank.

In the process of time, they became blessed with cars. The husband on his own bought many shares in banks and reputable comp-anies. He bought a landed property and also had other investments. This time around, he failed to involve the wife in all the transact-ions. He did all these things with agreement papers in the name of his mother and younger brother from a different father as his next of kin.

Sooner, he became sick and died, then the mother confessed publicly that she killed her son.

Unknowingly to the wife, it happened that the wife discovered in the late hus-band’s ‘strong box’ many documents pertaining to all the transactions of the hus-band bearing the names of the mother and brother-in-law as the next-of-kin to the late husband.

That was the day the poor widow knew that the late husband was stingy and selfish to her. What do I mean here? The late hus-band bought the wife cloth-ings and food in his time but was selfish in other areas which could have been of great benefit to the wife and the children.

Pastor Mfon has this to say “A selfish man dies before his time because resources get dried by the day”.

After the discovery of those documents, the wife had to start anew in chang-ing those papers by con-verting them to the name of their only son. Therefore, selfishness is not a one sided affair. A selfish partner can do better or improve if he/she begins to do selfish services. Couples who are selfish to themselves in-dulge in the following:

*SELFISHNESS IN TIME: They do not have time for themselves neither do they value the time of others.

*SELFISHNESS IN LOVE: They do not love others but want others to love them.

*SELFISHNESS IN WEALTH: Like Laban of the biblical times and that rich fool in Luke 12:16-21, they only value their wealth and nothing else. Their wealth is never the property of their wives or their husbands. They eat alone and died alone. When it comes to wealth sharing, their partners become strangers.

*SELFISHNESS IN WORDS: Their words are very important than that of others. They give less regard to the suggestions of others. I found out that in some African cultures, it is only the man that does the speak-ing at home.

The wife is only at the receiving end. The word from the wife is not all that important to reckon with. The wife’s opinion may be considered when necessary or if need be sometimes.

*SELFISHNESS IN MONEY: The husband’s money is not the wife’s own, but all the money possessed by the wife belongs to the husband. It is only the husband who has the right to collect the wife’s pay package and then give a little to the wife while the rest belongs to him and sometimes for the family upkeep.

*SELFINESS IN SEX: This may surprise my readers as to how one can be selfish sexually. A man or woman can be selfish in sex when he or she denies the other the right to intercourse requentely.

*SELFISHNESS IN INTIMACY: They lack the knowledge of closeness to one another. The relation-ship fails to be cordial as they move on in their marital life separately while under the same roof.

*SELFISHNESS IN COMPLIMENT: They never see the doings of other as being good. They fail to say thank you to the other in their marital affairs. It is hard for such to say well done when others are successful. They do not rejoice over others achieve-ment.

*SELFISHNESS IN SOCIAL STATUS: Selfish people do not see anything good in others attaining a social status. It is always a point of jealousy as to why must it be that person? Why not me?

*SELFISHNESS IN APOLOGY: Selfish people find it difficult to say I am sorry to others when there is an offence committed.

It is necessary for us to check ourselves and be sure we are not being selfish in one way or the other be-cause selfishness is a Demon in marriages and could destroy marriage easily. God bless our marriages.