Marriage and Family

June 24, 2017

The “Almighty” male child

Afin-Ilu: Promoting tourism with talking drum

File: Female talking drummer Aralola Olamuyiwa popularly known as Ara plays drum and sings along with children after give tutorials in a private school in Lagos.

By Francis Ewherido

The birth of a baby should bring joy, but I am angry. Even the parents of the baby too are. But the reasons for our mutual feeling differ. I am angry because that baby is their fifth child, their fifth daughter, in less than seven years of marriage, and the only reason for this rascally breeding is the search for the “almighty” male child. They are angry, may be disappointed, because they earnestly wanted a baby boy, which has eluded them again. The second reason I am angry is because they are endangering the life of the wife. Her body scarcely recovers after one pregnancy before she gets pregnant again.

I will never understand what the craze for male children is all about. What I understand is to bring up children properly, give them good education, both formally and informally, so that they can grow up to be useful to themselves, the family and the society at large. If you bring up trash, male or female, they end up as societal deviants. What they bring to you is shame; nobody remembers the male/female dichotomy any more. Look at the trending case of the dreaded kidnapper, Mr. Chidumeme Onwuamadike, aka Evans.

Some people argue that they want male children to perpetuate the family lineage when they are dead and some of these people are Christians who believe in life hereafter, either in heaven or hell. And I ask, if you die and go to heaven, will you remember perpetuation of family name while enjoying heavenly glory? And if unfortunately, you end up in hell, the torment of hell will be so intense that you will not remember family lineage. If you ever remember family, it will only be like the case of the rich man, who wanted Lazarus to go and warn his brothers to be of good behaviour because of the reality of hell (Luke 16:19–31). Perpetuating family lineage did not matter at that point.

Get me right, there is  nothing wrong with desiring male children. But you must put in effort to acquire the necessary knowledge and discipline so that you can preselect the sex of your babies or you settle for whatever you get, male or female. This is how the sex of a baby is determined. The male sperms carry either X or Y chromosomes, which give men the exclusive preserve of determining the sex of a baby, while the female eggs carry only the X chromosomes. The X and Y combination produces a male child while X and X produce the female child. The sperm carrying the Y chromosome swims faster, but has a shorter lifespan while the sperm carrying the X chromosome is much slower but has a longer lifespan. If you want a male child, intercourse should take place just before or during ovulation (ovulation occurs when an egg or ovum is released from the ovary and it usually lasts for about 12 to 24 hours. Ovulation normally occurs between the 12th to 14th day of a 28-day cycle, but like most human phenomena, there are no absolute certainties and it varies from one woman to another. Even within the same woman, there are variations). The other critical elements are: that the woman should thoroughly understand her menstrual cycle, while the husband should be patient and cooperate with the wife (you can read more on https://newlive.vanguardngr.com/2014/09/babys-sex-preselection-story-1/).

If you do your homework well, you will certainly give birth to the children

(male or female) you desire. I know this for a fact because I have boys and girls and they were naturally preselected. But giving birth to the boys is just the beginning of the marathon called parenting. I worship with children on Sundays because of my younger children. Over time, I have noticed that some toddlers and other little children under 10 years have become uncontrollable in the church. They openly defy their parents. Nine out of 10 of such children are males. And it is no coincidence; the male child is the overlord in many homes, no matter how young. He is always right, even when it is obvious that he is wrong. Black becomes white if he says so. He does no house chores; the sisters are his slaves.

But I worry for the parents of these children. What is happening is not parenting, but the making of a monster. The first 10 years of a child’s life are the years when the child is most pliable, that is the time parents have most influence over their children; that is the time you lay the foundation that the child’s character and personality will be built on. As I said a few weeks ago, if parents miss the golden opportunity to mould the children properly in the first 10 years, they have a mountain to climb to right the initial wrongs. Many of the societal ills you see today are results of parents who did lousy jobs in the first 10 years of their children’s lives. My people say: Ani’omotete diaa, ani’okpako diaa (it is difficult for a child with defective upbringing to end up a good adult). So young parents surrendering leadership to your inexperienced toddlers and allowing them have their way and get away with murder, be warned. You are creating monsters that will terrorise you and the outer society later.