By Francis Ewherido

Privates, AKA genitals, hold the key to perpetuation of humankind. Penile matters are therefore serious matters. I have written about them before. Please take time to go through if you have not. But today I am revisiting for the sake of the young, the uninformed and the inexperienced, and because of the alarming increase in the number of penis enlargement adverts, products and “experts.”

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By age two or three, many children (boys) realize that there is something special about the penis, even if they cannot fathom it. My friend’s son, Ebuka, called his wee-wee tap and guarded it jealously. At three, I had an older female playmate, Oghenenioke. We normally had our bath together outside. One day we were having our bath, when I suddenly noticed that Oghenenioke’s groin was bare. I raised an alarm and everybody, including mama, gathered: “Dak’Oghenenioke vw’ishosho!”(Oghenenioke has no penis!), I innocently announced. Thunderous laughter followed.

At age 18, we were resting after catching three rodents (rabbits, as we call them). Then one of us said he heard that if you touch your penis with the tail of the rodent, you will become impotent. “Fabuuu” (lie), we echoed in unison. Then he cut off the tail and dared us to try it. None of us was courageous enough. Penis matters are that serious and important. That is why I cannot understand the craze for these scientifically unproven penis enlargement methods.

I have gone through an army of literature on the subject and my finding is: the only scientifically-proven method of permanent penis enlargement is surgery, which can also go awry. But surgery only increases the size of the penis when flaccid; it remains the same when erect. So where does that leave us with these adverts claiming that the penis size can be increased via drugs, creams and pumps? Do these products have NAFDAC certifications? What are their side effects? Is the enlargement permanent or temporary? Who are the target audience?

I concede that penis matters are also private matters; that is why it is called private part. What anybody does with his is really his business, but be careful so that you do not jump from a non-existent frying pan to real fire. Everybody is now an “expert” on penis enlargement. In their mindless pursuit of money, they feast on men’s dissatisfaction with their penis sizes by manipulating information to mislead the fickle-minded and make the gullible miserable.

Those who have been around know what, where, when and why it matters. Even when men secretly desire a bigger penis, it is not their primary headache. Their primary headaches are premature ejaculation, lack of stamina, low sperm count, erectile dysfunction, weak libido and temporary impotency, caused mainly by aging, unhealthy lifestyles, stress and side effects of drugs, especially illegal, hypertensive and diabetes drugs.

Many people who undergo penile surgery do it to look bigger and feel good in public showers, beaches and boost their confidence. The real issue is not the size of the penis, but an underlying insecurity. For the self-assured man, the size of the flaccid penis is inconsequential, only the effective erect penis matters.

Anybody familiar with the politics of the penis knows there are two main types: the grower and the shower. The grower has a higher level of expansion than the shower. A three-inch flaccid grower can expand to seven inches when erect, while a six-inch flaccid shower might not even get to seven inches when erect. Consequently, flaccid showers have size advantage over flaccid growers, the main targets of these “miracle workers.”

As an encouragement to the insecure, your penis is actually bigger than you think. If somebody takes your photograph from above, you look shorter than you are. That is how it is with the penis. It looks smaller than it actually is because you are looking down at it. If you place a mirror directly beside or in front of it, you get the actual size and it is bigger than when you look at it directly from above.

Many men worry themselves over nothing. If the length of the vagina when aroused is between 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches, why can’t a man with an erect penis of 4.5 inches, for instance, satisfy his wife, “especially since the area that is thought to be important for most women’s sexual response is the outer one-third?” That is even assuming the size of the penis, not skills and staying power, is the main key to a women’s sexual satisfaction.

Research findings show that the attractiveness of the penis size to women is complex, but most data suggest that “penile size is much lower down the list of priorities for women than such issues as a man’s personality and external grooming.” These might be foreign research findings, but they also apply to Nigerian women.

One Dr. Okoro was bombarding my friend’s email box with penis enlargement proposals. My friend decided to tease his wife. “Don’t you think I should check out this Dr. Okoro?” “No problem,” she responded, “provided you look for somewhere else to put it when you are done.” She might be a microscopic minority, but it is the same with many women.

Some people are naturally endowed with monster cocks, but like many things in life, too much of it can become a liability. Jonah Falcon, a 45-year-old American, officially holds the world record for the biggest penis: 9.5 inches when flaccid and 13.38 when erect. He has no wife and children and his love life is checkered. Now one Roberto Esquivel Cabrera has emerged with an 18.9-inch penis when erect. The 52-year-old Mexican has no job, no wife, no love life, no friends and lives alone in a room rented for him by his brothers. He says his below-the-knee-long penis is a liability and the main reason for his problems. Now there are talks of a penile reduction surgery; what an irony!

Life is a total package. Do not hang yourself over one small, but significant, segment. Contentment, with knowing when to draw the line, helps.