By Ebele Orakpo

Goodness gracious! This heat is killing! E fit fry person liver oo,’ commented Oge this Tuesday morning while commuting to work. “It seems the sun god is very angry with us that it decided to descend on us with fury. I mean, the heat is becoming unbearable. For goodness’ sake, it’s just 9.00 in the morning and it’s already this hot, what happens at 12.00 noon?”

“Chei, human beings! Extremely difficult to please. Thank God I am not God, otherwise, I would have wiped out the earth and everything in it. We are a bunch of ingrates!” spat Joe. “Just a few days ago, we were complaining about incessant rainfall and floods, today, it is too much sun. Which one una dey sef?”

Replied Oge: “We are only asking for moderation. We don’t want extremes. Haba! the thing keeps descending on us from morning till evening without let. At this rate, we will all be cooked one day.”

“Here we are complaining because of this little heat. What do you want those in Sokoto and Maiduguri to do?” asked Ify.

“Please, that is a different kettle of fish. Their own heat no get part two! Na die. Imagine a temperature of 48 degrees Celsius, no be Fahrenheit oo. That is 118.4 degree Fahrenheit. In fact, a friend of mine who served in Sokoto said you did not need to boil water for garri.

Just get water from the tap and make your eba, it’s that hot. And in Maiduguri, if you are fasting, ensure you drink water, or else, your system dries up before you finish the fast because the rate of dehydration is very high. I also heard that in some places, you don’t wear rubber shoes on tarred roads because they will melt,” narrated Abel.

“Hmm, Radio Without Station, you don come again,” teased Mercy.

“But it is true. The weather in the far North is always extreme. Too hot, too cold, too windy, sandstorm, just name it,” stated Jane, coming to Abel’s defence.

“We are the cause of our misfortune. We have been abusing the environment for so long and it is payback time. We are reaping what we have sown, the reward of hard work,” said Agnes.

“Dogon turenci!  Long grammar! From drug abuse, to women abuse, to child abuse, to animal abuse, now it is environment abuse. How did we abuse the environment?” asked Abel.

“People still throw garbage into gutters and waterways, clogging them so that when it rains, the area becomes flooded because the water channels had been blocked so the water seeks alternative route. They still cut down trees, burn bushes, flare gas, etc.

All these deplete the ozone layer which shields us from these unpleasant effects. I wonder why our witch doctors have not come to our aid. Now that we need rain to cool the weather, our rain makers should rise to the occasion and become instant millionaires,” replied Agnes.

“Exactly! If all their claims of making or stopping rain are true,” concurred Ify.

“They’ve got no such powers. They are jokers,” said Oge.

“Jokes apart, there are genuine rain makers,” noted Sule. “Oh really? Please we need to see them,” said Oge.

“Ok, when the US authorities were predicting the coming of Hurricane Sandy, I swear, if any of these hungry witch doctors had come up to say he could make it go back from where it was coming, I assure you, the US Government would have come to pick him up with Air Force One, give him the kind of money he will never dream of in his entire life and made him a citizen with immediate effect. He will be an instant super star, sought after the world over. Who no like better thing?” asked Abel.

“They have no such power because if they did, they would have used it to better the lot of their children and relations. Forget them,” said Mercy. “But remember that their power is only for evil and not for good,” Sule reminded everyone.

“We are so gullible, anybody can wake up and deceive us. No wonder God said ‘my people perish for lack of knowledge’ not for lack of activities or prayers. We are full of those but lack knowledge. If you are knowledgeable, you cannot be easily deceived,” added Mercy.