Helen Maku (Not real name) felt her world was complete when she got married to the love of her life, Mr Ben Maku. Both secured good jobs and their lives moved on at a good speed. The only clog in the wheel of their joy was the lack of the cry of a baby in their home. For two people in love, they were hopeful that nothing will be insurmountable for them.

Five years into the marriage, Helen was advised by her husband to resign her paid employment to keep home. As an engineer with a prominent company, he felt his pay was good enough to take care of his family and a good rest would do his wife some good. Two years after becoming a full time house wife, her husband suddenly took ill and passed on. Then like a new act in a drama scene, her nightmare began. First she was given the matching order to pack out of the house and submit the key to a family member. She was denied access to her clothes as her in-laws claimed they were things bought by the man so she could not take them. They also went further to ensure that all the man’s assets were denied her. As we write, she is a shadow of herself, confused and emotionally wounded.

Tales of injustices meted out to widows abound and the degree of unfair treatment vary from community to community. In some communities, widows have been known to be made to keep vigil with the late husband’s corpse. In some other parts, women are forced to drink the water with which her late husband’s was bathed in order to prove her innocence in the death of the man. Mind you, these practices are not limited to uneducated women alone. Well, read women have been subdued and compelled to bow to these practices most times often enforced by fellow women themselves.

Prof. Grace Alele-Williams

Over the years and at various fora, I have been quite clear in my views about these so called values against widows. Recently, having become a widow myself, I can say that no such thing was practiced against me by my family. I can say generally, that women are beginning to appreciate their rights and so are many husbands and husband’s family. So things are getting better. However, you don’t take things for granted. There are some values that are useful not the obnoxious ones which tend to show that you care. In some areas, a woman takes of her hair when she becomes a widow. In others, she could say, I won’t wear jewellery to show that I am mourning my husband but for a limited time. Those are pleasant. But in terms of what the husband worked to get together, we should ensure that legally and socially, we stop all of those things. The husbands relations cannot come and claim all what the widow had. It is a complete misunderstanding of what happened in our own social life 50-60 years ago. We should make sure that when you hear that a man dies, you go out of your way to look out for the widow or widows and begin to educate them to stand up for their rights. Socially, you can tell the welfare association to let the family understand their limits. Finally, we have to go on constant assistance with our traditional rulers. Because these things don’t happen in the town they happen more in the villages. Therefore, it is the role of our traditional leaders to step up the extension of understanding of people in the villages. A man’s death is an occasion for mourning, it is an occasion also for taking review of what he has left behind not his property but his children and wife and finding out what the family can do to assist them not to come and take where they did not sow.

Hon Omawumi Udoh

Delta State House of Assembly

Well, I have never been in support of it. I believe it is actually a crime to nature. Tradition is made for man and not man for tradition. And you know that in session like this, we can alter tradition because we made those laws. It is sad to say that the custodians of traditions are actually ignoring this fact. But be that as it may, women at every point in time have come forward to say that we can change tradition and for all these obnoxious laws, they are gradually eroding particularly in Delta State where her excellency, the First Lady is taking the lead to see that these unfriendly traditional practices are abolished. She has done so much in this regard to alleviate their sufferings. Some time last year, a bill was sponsored as regards widows rights. I believe that when this bill is passed into law, a lot of changes will occur.

Prof. Sylvester Monye

Well it is very wrong to make some generalization. I don’t know of any community where a widow is made to sleep with a corpse. In my community, it is the right of the relatives of the deceased to stay with the deceased until he or she is buried. There is no occasion where the wife is allowed into the same room where the deceased is kept. Similarly, it is not unusual for the woman to want to show some parting respect to the deceased by shaving a bit of her hair. In the past, it used to be total. But it is symbolic shaving of hair to show that you really lost somebody.

Well, because it doesn’t happen in my community and I don’t know where it happens, it becomes difficult for me to make a constructive comment. But if it does happen then it can only be described as being unfair or barbaric. I see no reason why you should punish a woman for the loss of her husband. I see no reason why a woman should loose her means of sustenance simply because she lost her husband. The question is, if the husband had been alive, would she lose her means of income if the husband was the bread winner? The answer is no. So why should she lose it because the husband dies? why should somebody else come to inherit something that a woman worked for? It doesn’t matter how had a man works, it is the woman that takes care of the home. So why should a woman be kicked out of her home simply because her husband died? So I don’t think it is the appropriate practice.

Dr. Evelyn Oputu

MD Bank of Industry

These are very negative cultural values that need to change. Personally, I think that is one of the most cruelest aspect of our traditions that need to change. I don’t even believe it is culture, I don’t know where it came from but it’s something that must be stopped immediately. It is extremely cruel and harsh. But this is not an issue that is peculiar to Nigeria alone even in old India, but all those are also changing. I think all those things are driven by fear. If I wear a legislator, it would be one of the issues that would be in the front burner. People like you need to bring it to the fore. It is one of man’s inhumanity to man that we need to stop at once. Other countries have learnt to dispense with all these their negative values and we need to do same here and it is people like you that can help us bring it to the fore so that it can stop. But very importantly, women themselves who are usually the enforcers of these rules should desist from it.

Dr. Mrs. Ifeoma Monye

HOD Family Medicine

National Hospital, Abuja

I am privileged and I thank God to be married into a community where a woman is not made to sleep with her husbands corpse. However, I would not disagree with you that this kind of thing happen in other communities. I’ve read about it it in papers, I’ve watched it on TV, therefore, I have no reason to doubt that it may be happening in other communities. From the woman’s point of view, the woman works and keeps the home. Therefore the progress and financial empowerment of the home is a bilateral thing. So, it is barbaric for any community to decide that once their son dies, the woman should be kicked out or be subjected to all kinds of wicked practices. I hear a lot of times, that the financial wealth that they have amassed over the years, she is denied access to these things. The point is, how are the children of this man going to be trained? There is no brother of this late man that would train the children as well as the mother of the children. So I don’t know if the government has any way to step into such matters and declare them things that should not be accepted in the society. I also know that widows are stigmatized in all kinds of ways. I think all these barbaric practices should stop. In the civilized part of the world, this does not happen. Perhaps our judiciary would have a lot to do about this. The customary courts would have to address these things.