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How much can you tell your spouse?(2)

Who is your
confidant? Is it a friend or your spouse? How much of your secrets can you share with your spouse?
Love, they say is about giving and sharing, which can only thrive where there is mutual trust, understanding and effective communication between the partners. So, who better can you share your secrets with other than the one you claim to love, cherish and share your body with? The one who is supposed to know you inside out.

However, this appears not to be the case with a lot of couples, young and old. In this narratives from some of our respondents, reasons, ranging from traditional to moral grounds were attributed as part of the barriers militating against sharing of secrets between partners.

Beginning from this edition and as our special package for the holidays, you will be reading what these people had to say.

If you or someone you know of, have been through a similar experience, or you have an interesting story to share with us on this issue, please write and send your contributions/opinions to The human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or our e-mail address: we look forward to reading from you. Cheers!

According to Bayo, (35), businessman, there are two ways to go about telling your partner all your secrets:
My closest confidant can either be my wife, or my close friend. But for me, I can’t tell much of my secrets to my partner because nobody can be trusted. It is not possible for me to rely on my wife. I would prefer to tell my close friend everything about me, than telling my wife.

I’m sue you don’t expect me to tell my wife that I have a girlfiend outside and naturally also, it’s not everything that is said in my family that I will discuss with my wife.

There are certain things I will not want her to know about them.
Assuming there is a problem in my own family that does not concern her, there is no need telling her. But if there is need to tell her, why not, I will.

You see, women will always be women. No matter how truthful you are with them, they will surely behave like women and will want to know more than everything one does. The more you tell her, the more you fuel her imagination and inquisitiveness.

Personally, there are things that l do that I don’t tell her about, at least, at the initial stage, especially when it comes to business deals. If everything goes fine and the thing is over and successful, then I can now tell her. You know what women are like.

If you tell her from the beginning, she might even discourage you from doing the business, especially, considering the risk or the amount of money involved. Many woman are not that bold when it comes to risks.

Again, by telling her everything about me, she might use it to insult me or talk to me in a way I won’t like someday. So, I don’t disclose everything about myself, my family and my work with my partner.

Franca, (32), Civil Servant, says it depends on the level of understanding between the couples:
Let me be sincere with you, I am someone that always says the truth no matter what. Before I got married, I’d had my fun to the full. I liked going out a lot and I’d dated many guys, going to parties and I’d even committed all sorts of atrocities.

In fact, I’d had a rough life. But when God, entered my life, I became another person entirely and I had to tell my husband all about my past. My husband is a God fearing person, very understanding person and we have been married for the past 15 years now. All the things I told him about myself, he has not used against me ever since, nor has he insulted me with them even when we have misunderstandings.

Today, I still tell him everything because, should anything happens, there will be no problem at all. Besides, I don’t even think there is anything to hide from him. There was a time when he traveled that my landlord started disturbing me that I should go out with him, to which I said I couldn’t. This man is old enough to be my father and he already had three (3) wives, yet, he still wanted to go out with  me.

So, when my husband came back, I reported the landlord to him and he said I shouldn’t bother my self. But after much disturbances from the landlord, we had to move out of the house and we got a better place at that. Perhaps, if I had not told him, we would not have parked out of that house the time we did, but we wouldn’t have found a better and even cheaper place too.

I even tell him about my own family and my partner is not a con man, he also tells me about his own family. In every relationship, there should be understanding.

For Prince, (46), a business man, there are certain important things one must not disclose to women, especially when it is personal. He explains:

The issue of husband and wife is a very complex one. No matter how hard you try to understand it, you may never succeed. It is just like they say, the more you look, the less you see. Even between them, one can never claim to know the other completely, not to now talk of a third party claiming to know them and what goes on between them.

There are very few men who discuss everything with their wives. When you see a man who keeps nothing from his wife, you should know that the two must have come a long way together. When I say together, I hope you know what I mean.

They must have been through real situations of life together, not just talking about love, love, love, the way you have it everywhere and having things so easy. But as you may know, these type of women are rare and hard to find. Many of the women we have around today, are just there for while the good times last. Once there is a problem and all does not seem to be going well for you, they will automatically take to their heels.

Some of those who remain only do so, when they are convinced that the situation may soon change for the better, have committed substantially of their own wealth to the relationship, such that they feel they will be the losers for walking out.

The last group are those who simply cannot be bothered because they have come to accept that where they are is where they should be, and cannot be anywhere better. So, they just stay.

What I am trying to say is that you cannot completely trust women. You will deal with a woman as each day requires.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.