September 16, 2023

How to get over a broken heart

How to get over a broken heart

The end of a relationship could be devastating and you may feel you’ll never get your confidence back, but there are simple steps you can take to start putting your life together again.  Whether you want to sob, rage, or crawl under the covers, just go with it Denis Knowies, a marriage counsellor, says the first step is “to realize the awful feelings are not the end of everything, they are the start of the healing process.  You’ll go through despair, anger, denial and finally acceptance, but never fight your feelings”.

When you’re ready – and only you will know when that is, she advises these simple steps:  Instead of dwelling on how you didn’t measure up (women generally blame themselves), do a relationship post-mortem.  Ask yourself what worked, what you loved about him, where the relationship went wrong, what you would do differently and what your priorities are now.  Isolating what you want from a partner makes you less likely to repeat old patterns and gives your next relationship a better chance of success.

Get some perspective:  It’s not  the whole of you that’s been rejected.  Rebuild your confidence by making a list of the things you’re good at – for example you’re a good parent, a fantastic friend, great at your job and men find you attractive.

Take small steps:  If you’ve become too frightened or low to go out at night, move away from your comfort zone slowly.  Can’t face that blind date?  Go out with the gifts after work one night.  Slowly push back the boundaries and start to rebuild your confidence.

Write everything down  –  it’s very cathartic:  Write your ex a letter outlining your feelings, but don’t send it.  Keep it in a diary to help track progress.  One day, you’ll look back and wonder whey you ever felt so miserable.

Revamp hour look:  There’s nothing like pampering to restore self-esteem, in fact, scientists ARISE (Association For Research Into the Science of Enjoyment) have found that experiencing pleasure can boost your immune system and reduce stress hormones.  The key with a make over, however, is not to make drastic changes you may regret.

A new hair colour is one of the easiest ways to transform your look or cover any gray that’s making you feel worse.  A lot of newly single women tend to desperately look for a big change, but it’s best to go a few darker shades at a time.  The perfect hair colour makes the eyes more noticeable, which makes you look younger.  Professionally made faces, once in a while, are a good compromise and can take years off you, while semi-permanent colours are the most natural way to cover grey.

Get active:   Exercise has many benefits in the traumatic time following a break-up.  Women want to overhaul their bodies, possibly because they feel being over-weight contributed to the end of the relationship – which, of course, it rarely has.  Whatever the motive, exercise is a great mood-booster.  Exercise releases endorphins that give you a natural high.  Research shows it can be as effective as anti-depressants at treating mild depression.  It can also give you a new purpose.