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Your ex could come in handy when you’re in-between lovers!

By Bunmi Sofola

IT was a chin-wagging session with us ‘girls’ a few weeks back in Layo’s small bungalow. A very successful jeweller, she travels far and wide to source for the products she sells and charges hard currency for most of the items.

She was rich to say the least. A mother of three children, all from different fathers, she’d all along said she never wanted to get married—not because no one asked her to, but because of her impatience with most of the men she knew and their antics. She was not prepared to sacrifice her business and success for any male insecurity. We all have a bit of respect for her clout— she seems to have men hanging around her all the time—even her exes.

“I discovered, a long time ago, that my lack of a permanent man in the house shouldn’t stop me from having a nookie anytime I fancy one,” she’d once bragged. She was very open about her impressive collection of sex toys purchased all over the world. But she said sadly that, though these gadgets were god-send, they’d never compare with a man in flesh and blood that cuddles up to you in the night and whispers sweet nothings in your ears after a passionate love session. When I snorted she needed to show me a number of men who did that, she smiled coyly.

On this particular girls’ night, Layo purred like a contented cat. Without our prompting, she told us that Dolapo spent the whole weekend with her! We were all wide-eyed with envy. Dolapo and Layo have this love-hate relationship where they couldn’t live together—nor keep their hands off each other.

They exude raw sex. For the couple of years they lived together, raw passion crackled between them. Once we were at a birthday bash in their flat when Layo disappeared, purportedly to get a few bottles of wine. Dolapo, who’d been leering at her all evening, skulked away in her direction. “I bet he’s after her for a quickie,” one of us cackled.

We told her not to be silly, but all eyes were on the pair, just in case. Dolapo emerged first, looking triumphant and Lola had the grace to look bashful when the girl who first made the observation hooted she knew a freshly laid chic when she saw one! Sadly, the affair fizzled after she had Dolapo’s child. Layo moved to her own house shortly after the break-up.

“He came to see me on Friday night with a huge wrap of Ojojo (wateryam balls) and piping hot suya. He knew they were my favourite finger foods,” continues Layo. “Anyway, I let him in, opened a bottle of wine. One thing led to the other and he spent the night. His wife thought he was at an all-night party and they’d both agreed a long time ago that he shouldn’t leave any party in the middle of the night to rush home in case armed robbers were on ‘duty.’

Besides, he is the father of my only son and could come and go as he pleases.  As irresponsible as he is, with child maintenance, he is a stud and I’m not ashamed to claim my entitlement when it’s on offer.  After all, I met him first and would have married him if I had wanted to.  But keeping him for sex is a good decision for me.”

As the evening wore on, a few girls, emboldened by booze, agreed that it is better at times to stick with the devil you know,   “Ex-boyfriends could be handy when you’re in-between boyfriends or husbands!” One of them observed. “As long as you’re still on speaking terms, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have him for action-replays from time to time. There are no getting-to-know-you periods to endure and after the odd meal and drink, you can get straight down to business without even leaving your living room (or his!), if necessary. “In the absence of a spur-of-the-moment venue, then the ideal venue could be a posh hotel. If he wants you badly enough, he should find the cash for it. You get a giant bed, fluffy hotel towels, a minibar and 24-hour room service.  Better still, you could have pity on him and smuggle in some well-chilled drinks and hot snacks.

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As soon as the door clicks behind you, there will be no need to actually leave the room, and nothing else to do but have sex.   That way, you cut off being dragged to restaurants or nite-clubs when the end-result might still be sex.   The beauty of the hotel room option is that you don’t have to wear anything fancy—just your birthday suit through the period you’re locked in!”

Wow! Wouldn’t it be boring to be at it all day—and probably the next—I asked her?  “You amaze me at times.”Another friend answered disdainfully.”It’s not as if you’d start tearing your clothes off as soon as you’re alone. You’ve got to test the effectiveness of the skills that have worked for you in the past. Take this politician I met on one of my trips to London.

When we finally found time to be alone, he came to the guest-house he lodged me in, expecting to spend a few hours and dart off.  I’d checked in wearing a very sexy boubou—but with nothing else. As soon as he came in, I let the wide neck of the boubou slant to the left, revealing the top of one of my boobs. I could see how nervous he was as he fiddled with the wine. When he brought me a glass, my right leg was draped over the arm of the settee.

As he talked, he was gibbering until he could no longer help himself.

He charged at me like a man possessed….” Back to an ex,what if you couldn’t lay your hands on one you would really want to have a relationship with?   With exes, there are usually some bitter experiences on both sides. “Not with all of them,” snapped Layo.

“I have three men who I’ve had children with; surely no bitterness could override our children’s welfare? And if, somewhere along the line, you could get a bit of fun off him, why not? And, in the absence of an ex, a good male friend comes in handy. He can provide an excellent alternative. He is available and all you have to do is seduce him by flirting with him and throwing a few hints. I’d even treated one to a soft porn video in the past and that gave him the message.”

It’s certainly a brave new world for girls out there! In the past, a girl was encouraged to marry a good professional—like a doctor—a lawyer or-an accountant. These days, girls are all these things and more-so, why not be the aggressor when it comes to sex? What’s more, constant sex could be what the doctor orders! According to a recent medical report: “Regular sex releases hormones that actually keep couples close. And if you don’t have a steady partner, safe sex with a trusted partner helps your body remember how to respond. Or if you’re menopausal—and not sexually active or taking estrogen—it keeps the blood flowing through those vessels. You’ve got to prevent your vagina from shrinking and getting dry—an ex’s amorous advances are fantastic for that!”

A note of warning though: Not all exes will fall into your scheming traps. After you’ve tanked him up with a lot of booze and hinted there are areas of your relationship that need exploring further, you look out for his response. If he’s more than eager to help, go for it! If, however, he feels awkward, simply pass things off as a drunken mistake and look for your next victim!


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