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How not to end a relationship


Hi! What would you do to get out of a relationship you no longer  want? Would you be bold enough to sit down and talk things through with your partner like two mature minds, or simply walk away, cutting all ties and channels of communication with them like a coward? Are you one of those who rather than own up to their weaknesses, admit their errors and ask for forgiveness? Or would you prefer to play the aggrieved party card, just so they can shift the blames on your partners? Indeed, how low can you stoop to save your neck? Tell lies and cook up stories? Connive and conspire with some others as fake alibis and witnesses just to discredit your estranged friend or partner? Or would you plot to eliminate them, simply put, kill them, just to get out of the noose?

While death might sound too bizarre a sentence for another human being just to keep one’s image and integrity, the Holy Books tells us there are two ways to kill. By the sword, which is physical and by the tongue which is several pronged, thus could be spiritual, emotional, mental and psychological death. Often, victims of death by the tongue never successfully get out of their cocoon. That might be why some partners, often females, end up in psychiatric homes after being betrayed by their beloved and trusted partners. Unless and dead to others who love and need them in their lives. Which is why I cannot help but rejoice with Kendra, a survivor (not victim) of a calculated, vicious and callous betrayal whom I ran into recently. With some traces of nostalgia and hurt, she shared with me and a few women how fiancé plotted a grand conspiracy to dump her for another woman. Looking back now after several years, she says it was perhaps good that the events occurred as they did, as she might have found him out when it was too late. Kendra’s story:

“He was the sort of guy most girls dream to have as husband and I considered myself extremely lucky to have gotten him. Added to that was the confidence and charisma that oozed from him. He was loaded to the teeth. We had met at a bachelor’s eve party of one of his friends. I guess it was love at first sight for both of us as everything just clicked perfectly. I was older by almost seven years and I guess I must have also been younger than most of the girls he had been with. So, I think he found it somehow fascinating being with me. It was very late before I realised that all the rumours I’d been hearing about his activities with women were true.

When I look back at everything that happened, I think he just wanted to have his fun and move on as he was notorious for. However, in my case, he did not know how to go about it. He called me his baby and treated me with much respect, care and love. He spoiled me silly and I was the envy of all my friends. We had been dating for two years and I was going away for the service year when he proposed to me. I was delirious with joy. I went to serve, knowing it was just a matter of time before I became Mrs. Duke. He would come to see me almost every other week, sometimes just calling after he might have checked into a hotel in town. In fact, we were almost as good as married. After the Service year, our families met for the formal introduction and we were advised to pick a suitable date for the wedding. By this time, we were practically living together. I was playing the little wife while he went to work. Sometimes, if he comes home early in the evening, he would take me out for dinner or ice cream. You know, stuff like that. He was a very romantic man.

I think perhaps I was too young. Maybe not in age but psychologically, because little did I know that all those times he would tell me he was working late, it meant that he was seeing someone else. Or when he said he was going out of town and that I should go to my parents’, so as not to be lonely, it meant he was bringing someone else home for the weekend. I would have insisted that we held the wedding almost immediately but he told me he was busy with a project and needed a lot of money to execute it. He wanted to have his dream wedding and would rather wait for the money. Which girl would not like to have a Cinderella wedding? So, while I was praying and waiting for the completion of his project, I never knew my fiancé had other plans. You will not believe the shock of my life when one Friday night, a guy walked up to me and planted a kiss right on my lips as I stood beside my fiancé. We had gone to have fun at a club in town and I had been so happy that everything was going fine between us. After struggling for what seemed like ages to free myself from this stranger’s grip, I began shouting, demanding to know what the kiss was about. Who the hell was this guy and was it supposed to be a joke?

As expected, Duke shoved at him too, demanding to know what was going on. You will not believe that right before my eyes, the guy told my fiancé that I was his girlfriend. That we had been dating for over three years and had plans to get married. He said we were together even the previous day at his house. (unfortunately, she had been at her parents’) Suddenly, he turned to me while I was still gaping with my mouth open and accused me of cheating on him with Duke because he was not as rich as Duke. That with time, he will have enough money too, to splash on girls like me. He said he was not surprised that I was denying him in the presence of people. In fact, he had always suspected that I was not faithful to him but did not know that I could deny him because of money.

I started hitting him with my purse, asking him to stop and that he was lying. I had never seen this guy before that day and I cannot even recognise him if I were to see him any other day. Duke who had appeared to be in a trance finally woke up and sprang at the guy. The stranger raised his hands up in the air as if to say he was surrendering to him. He said he would leave as he has accepted his loss, however, Duke should not believe any story I tell him. He also warned him that it was obvious that I could not be trusted and was not a good wife material, so, he had better use and dump me as well. As if to convince Duke of any doubts he might still have about our alleged affair, he told him of the little scar on the right cheek of my bum, insisting he was telling the truth.

By this time, people had gathered around us and the club owners too had gotten wind of what was happening. Because Duke was a regular at the club and friends with the owners, he demanded that the guy be thrown out. They obliged because of the respect they had for him. At this point, I was still thinking that the guy was either joking or insane. I turned to Duke thinking he would console me and tell me everything was okay but the look in his eyes froze me up. He remained rigid, as if stuck to the ground. I made to touch him but he flung my hand away, shouting that I should not touch him. He said he did not know I was a cheat and a liar. That he was sorry he ever had anything to do with me, let alone ask me to marry him. That he did not know he was dealing with a prostitute. I was shocked. I turned to people I did not know to help me beg him. That the guy was a total stranger to me and I was innocent of all he had said, insisting that he must either be mad, or trying to set me up. But no one helped, they were more interested in the scenario and how it would end.

Duke walked away and I ran after him. When he got to the car, he stopped and told me not to dare step into his car. I just stood and watched him drive off into the night. Suddenly, he started reversing and when he got to where I was still standing, he opened the passenger door and told me to get in. I was so happy. I thought he had changed his mind and decided to believe me rather than the stranger. But I was wrong. Duke told me he was taking me home to tell my parents all that had happened and that the wedding plans had been called off. I went numb all over and began pleading with him as if my life depended on it. That I would die if he left me. But it all fell on deaf ears. That night, Duke woke my mother up to tell her all that had happened and that he no longer wished to continue with the wedding plans. He apologised like a real gentleman, full of all the charm and respect that I admired in him from the beginning, then he walked out.

Everyone wanted to know what really happened and if indeed, I knew the stranger. But I kept telling the same story over and over again. I did not know the guy and I had no idea why he had done what he did to me. I did not sleep a wink that night and so it continued for the next four days. I did not eat, sleep, bathe,    nor even brush my teeth.

My parents became confused, they called him several times but he did not change his mind. On the fifth day, I was taken to the hospital and sedated. I was allowed home a week later. That did not stop my crying though. And for months, I stayed at home, waiting and hoping that Duke would call. That he would discover the truth and apologise for not trusting me enough and beg me to marry him. I refused to go out, not even to church. As I was not working anyway, that left me with much time on my hands to wallow in self pity. In my heart, I felt it was a good thing that I did not have to go out to face people and be forced to explain what had happened over and over again. I refused to see my friends too, believing they would all be laughing at me or feeling pity for me. Three months after Duke and I broke up, one of my sisters came home with news of Duke’s coming wedding with another lady.

Hmm!! Kendra’s story concludes next week. Do have a wonderful weekend!!


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