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I took his love for granted

DearBunmi,

I am still in love with an ex-boyfriend. We grew up and went to school together.

For three years, on and off, we were a couple. We broke up two years ago, but run into each other from time to time. We’ve seen other people since our break up. I’ve had other serious partners, but I always find myself comparing them with him and they don’t seem to match up, so my relationships end.

We broke up because we were young and I took advantage of my boyfriend’s good nature. We split up many times, but I always knew he’d have me back. I was selfish and didn’t consider his feelings.

He forgave me every time until he’d had enough and ended our relationship.

I regret everything I put him through. He was funny, clever, good looking and always there when I needed him.

He was everything I could ever want in a partner. I’d do anything to turn back the clock.

So when my best friend told me recently that he asked for my mobile number, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Should we try again?

Winifred, by e-mail. Dear Winifred,

‘Not on your life!’ Now that you’re having a tough time finding the partner you need, you’re idealising your ex who was very far from right.

This former boyfriend might be the nicest, kindest and most handsome bloke in the world, but you couldn’t sustain a relationship with him. This wasn’t because you were young.

The relationship failed because you didn’t want it to succeed. The break-ups allowed you to vent your anger on a man whose embrace you sometimes found stifling and unwelcome, walking all over him was a thrill. Eventually, the worm turned!

He may foolishly be tempted to take you back again to have a last fling, if he realises you’d like to undo some of the hurt for which you were so often responsible.

But don’t. We need to walk away from repeatedly and hopelessly broken relationships. Don’t try again and again to fix them!


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