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Denying your spouse love-making?

By Haroon Balogun

It is not uncommon with spouses after slightest provocation, to deny sex advances overtures made by either of them. Some Muslim women, with the aim of ‘punishing’ their husbands, for a wrong done on them go this far, – denying them love-making.

Apart from the fact that it may result in temptation of doing the wrong thing, or the husband may begin to think of taking another wife, denying your spouse marital rights it is a sin before Allah.

If none of the legitimate reasons to which a woman may refuse sex with her partner is present, such as menstrual period, illness, pregnancy etc and the husbands goes to bed in anger, that woman is deemed to have committed a sin.

In fact, she was advised to hasten the call of her husband to bed with all seriousness. The Prophet said (s.a.w) “If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding on the back of a camel (i.e., very busy).” (See Zawaa’id al-Bazzaar, 2/181; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 547).

Abu Hurayrah (r.t) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari; see al-Fath, 6/314).

However, the spouse is also advised to show clear understanding when any of the above these legitimate reasons is present. It is better to show concern for your spouse so as to maintain harmony and prevent discontent.

“Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth (righteousness) for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers.” (Q2:223).


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