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His ex-wife still has a hold on him

Dear Bunmi,

I’ve been with my partner for 15 years and comfortable with the filet that he keeps in touch with his ex-wife. Now his ex lives just a few minutes’ walk from us and I’m not happy.

He’s always dashing round to do jobs for her and gives her lifts most of the time. They have three children together and they often come to their mother’s, making the whole atmosphere as cosy as if they’re family again. But we have a daughter of our own who needs him. Why can’t he spend more time with us

Dear Slyvia,

You didn’t say it but you seem to think your partner is being unfaithful. And if there’s a whiff of an affair, you would be right to feel angry and betrayed. But if he’s simply giving his ex a helping hand and being a good father, then he needs your support.

Talk to him about it all – tell him you’re concerned for your own daughter but don’t turn his love for his children into a contest. They all need him. Discuss ways of sharing his time, and let him know you’re hurting. Be generous, and you could find this problem melts away.


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