By Yetunde Arebi

On Saturday, April 1, newspaper reports published that a 57 year old man from the of Mamadi village, Jikamshi Local Government Area of Katsina State, Salisu Magaji raped his seven month old step-daughter. According to the report, Magaji who is now in Police custody, admitted committing the crime after he dreamt that his addiction to womanizing would only stop after he has had sex with the baby.

He was quoted as saying “my wife is late. She delivered six children for me. I thought God had helped me to overcome the habit of going after women until when I married this woman (the baby’s mother). Then, it was revealed to me in the dream that if I raped this girl I would stop womanizing”. Salisu said he did not defile the baby for ritual purposes but as a cure for his craze for womanizing”.

Expectant mothers who received baby products from Mrs. Bolanle Ambode

I was choking with anger as I read this story. How can a 57 year old man spew out such nonsense from his mouth and expect others to believe him. With six children of his own, did he not stop once to think how he would feel if some dirty old man did same to his daughter? The truth is that Salisu, like most masochistic men, wanted to fulfill his wild sexual fantasy. He not only desired to defile the little baby but also to have sex with both mother and daughter. This level of sickness beats my imagination.

Reading through Salisu’s story, I could not but wonder where the mother of this poor baby was while this dastardly act was being carried out on her seven months old daughter. The second thing that struck me was the fact that the baby is Salisu’s step daughter. What is a seven month old baby doing in the house of a step-father? If this is so, then, Mrs. Salisu must have either been pregnant or recently delivered of the little girl when she married her dandy husband. What happened to her husband or the father of the baby?   Islam is very specific about the way of life for the Ummah.

In the case of divorce, after the final pronunciation, a woman is expected to remain in her matrimonial home for a period of three months or thereabouts, (monthly cycle actually) to be sure that she is not pregnant. If discovered to be pregnant, she is expected to remain in her matrimonial home to give birth and wean the baby. After that she is expected to leave if at the end of this period the couple still could not resolve their differences.

The same thing applies to a widow, a waiting period of four months and 12 days must be observed. A pregnant widow must remain in her matrimonial home to give birth and wean her child. So, I ask again, what is Mrs. Salisu doing in Mr. Salisu’s house with a seven month old baby of another man?   Did she abscond to shack up with the old man? Perhaps, this traumatic incident would not have happened if all concerned had kept to the laws as well as lived up to their responsibilities as care givers.

There is no gain saying that the number of child rape has escalated in recent times. So have many other sexual anomalies and sexually deviant behaviours hitherto unknown to our culture and orientation.   From heterosexual sex, to gay and lesbian sex, sex with animals, BDMS sex and many others that were alien to us. The first time I heard the word fisting, I argued it was impossible until I looked it up on the Internet.   The Internet has become our reference for all things good, bad and ugly.   Indeed, the influence of the Internet cannot be ignored.

The kind of information available is unimaginable, and enough to turn a pure heart into a filthy one and a saint into the devil. Yet, all these are available to both old and young, unfiltered and uncensored. However, there are those who attribute the surge of these pervert behaviours to our obsession with material wealth, thus insisting that there is a spiritual twist to them. For instance, this means that there is a spiritual force behind gay sex which can cause financial breakthrough for its practitioners! Same goes for incest, bestialism, necrophilia etc. Unfortunately, it is easy for the naive and wickedly greedy to fall prey to these stories.

Now more than ever before is the time to pay more attention to our children and young ones. Now is the time for fathers and mothers to rise up to their God ordained roles as nurturers, moulders and care givers of their children. Because it is not all women that will be blessed with the honour and privilege to be called mothers, the onus therefore rests on mothers especially, to live up to the characteristics associated with motherhood. Truth be told, many mothers have fallen short of the glory bestowed upon them.

Many mothers have abandoned their motherly roles to become sisters and friends to their children. Many want to be loved for what they can provide for the children and not to earn their admiration and respect through their beliefs, characters and behaviours. Many of today’s mothers are responsible for the misfortunes of their children. Many mothers are not worthy of the children the Almighty has put in their care.

At a PTA meeting some years back, a couple walked in looking all yuppie in tight jeans trousers and Polo shirts. They were the cynosure of all eyes and I admired them too, but not until they took their seats. Perhaps, because of their bulky backsides and protruding stomachs, the jeans were ill fitted and half their bottoms, crack, stretch mark and all were in view for all to see once seated. Some of those who could not stand for such disgusting sight kept calling their attention to it and helping the madam to pull her designer Polo shirt over her hip style jeans.

I was not surprised when their two children came bouncing in, the little boy of about four years was already spotting a Jerry curl and his sister was equally inappropriately dressed for a young child. It is appalling to know that many parents take delight in dressing up their little girls in revealing clothes and calling them sexy. Some even apply make up for them to enhance their beauty and I wonder for what purpose this is for. Whom are we trying to impress? The predators lurking in the corners perhaps. And when we begin to bear the fruits of what we sowed into these children at an early age, we blame it on the enemies from our families and the village.

Mothers are supposed to be teachers and role models to their children, especially their daughters. It is from them that they learn the virtues of womanhood, strength, endurance, perseverance, faith, hard work, humility and many enduring qualities that will earn them a good position both in their private and public life. But I know women who claim that their watchword is to never be anything like their mothers. They are embarrassed by the lifestyles of their mothers and desire to do better. Infidelity amongst married women is almost becoming a norm today. No longer do these women engage in ‘chop and clean mouth’ type of adultery some of them even become pregnant by their lovers while still married to their husbands.

Those with some level of shame left in them may remain in their marriages to raise their bastard child secretly until they are discovered while those that have sold their souls to the devil simply hop into the next ‘marriage’, and then the next, leaving a trail of children with question marks on their innocent heads. What stories do they whip up in defence of their actions to their children, family and friends when the questions crop up? I am currently taking part in a negotiation for out of court settlement in a case of stealing and shop lifting for a single mother of four grown up boys. Not done yet, the latest information that we have is that two of the boys are already neck deep in Yahoo Yahoo activities and Advanced Fee Fraud, aka 419.

Truly, the apple does not fall too far from the tree. Many good families have been forced to disagree with their children on their choice of life partners just for the fact that their parents were of questionable characters or their mothers inability to engage in decent and responsible relationships. What do you make of a mother who sits in the living room while her daughter engages in sexual activities with her men friends in the room? She benefits from the activities as the men drop a token for her also on their way out. Or another that acts as pimp for her young female children. Recently, a young, vibrant and accomplished actress while commenting in the scandal involving a pastor,   was quoted to have said she could offer her young daughter to her lover if the price was right!

As mothers we must strive to lead by our actions and not by our words. Love, sex and money should not be the ultimate.   We must teach our children to be responsible and to take responsibility for their actions. Three years ago, a father was apprehended and handed over to the Police while trying to write Post Jamb examinations for his son at a foremost University. He most likely had a wife who failed to see things from a different angle and prevent such a grave calamity upon her family.     Many women have confessed to the fact that they knew that their daughters were being molested by their husbands or benefactors but were forced to turn a blind eye for the sake of their marriages or what they would lose from the men.

Motherhood is a divine calling, those chosen to enjoy the grace must be prepared to live up to the calling. It is time consuming, its reward,   postponed and accessible only by grace. If you are wondering why the fathers have been left out, I can only say this: The world will not judge a man the same way it would judge a woman, no matter how feminist or cosmopolitan we may want to look at it.

Do have a wonderful weekend!!