By Yetunde Arebi
Is it possible for one woman to possess all the super qualities required to hook a man? Who determines these qualities, the man or the society? Below is the concluding part of what our respondents had to say.
Segun, (41), an Engineer/Civil servant, says good sex is the key to owning a man:
I find it difficult to restrict my comparison between the two common theories. Based on my personal experience and observation, children don’t hold people down. It is not all parents that are committed to their children. It is not all parents that truly love their children. This does not mean that they will not care for them and wish them well. But it is not because they have special deep bonds between them and so cannot do without them. For majority of our women, yes, because they are biologically created with the maternal instincts. Men are not like that and so, very few will stay devoted when faced with serious challenges in a relationship because of children.
How is this?
You see, having children is simply a part of our social obligation. It is because it is expected of us. It automatically comes with the package as a human being. Once you marry, you must have children. Where a woman is unable to get a man to marry, she must go ahead and have a child for any man willing to do that. Just have a child that will bear your name and keep the family tree alive. Those who can’t have children are resented by their family members, no matter how nice they are.
This is especially true of the in-laws. The emphasis is never what happens to the child, who cares for it or if it will be raised properly. It is simply, get a child to prove that you are a complete human being. So, for me, having children for a man does not guarantee his love and attention at all. There is an adage that says, a woman has children for herself, she says they are for her husband. If she fails as a mother, they become her problem.
I will support the second position but only to an extent, because it fits into my opinion. The woman who shows love and cares for a man is the owner of the man. Such a man would surely love to be in her company at all times. A woman who cooks good meals all the time, no matter how simple the menu is, will earn his attention and subsequently his love. Even if it is ordinary Eba, the presentation of the Eba matters a lot. Many of today’s women lack presentation. And you can’t really blame them. Many, combine office work with caring for the children and also doing house chores. How much energy is left in such a woman that she will have enough to put in special effort to preparing and presenting a meal? The few who can pull this off successfully should be praised.
An uncle of mine has a girlfriend whom he visits almost on a daily basis. Unless he is out of town, he only takes his breakfast at home, he eats lunch or dinner at this woman’s house. All the family members, including his wife and children, know this woman and what they have together. She is a single mother with two children. I have accompanied my uncle on a number of occasions to go and eat in this woman’s house and I must confess that I felt like a king eating at her table. The first time he took me there,
I went home excited and I narrated my experience to my wife, who rather than see the merit in what I told her that could be of benefit to her also, jumped at me and went for my head. Anyway, the high point of it all was that this woman served my uncle on her knees. As he ate, she massaged his ego. That, is caring. Even if the meal was not so tasty, the care and affection she showered on him will earn her a point above the woman who thinks because she has been allowed to have children, then she can parade her lazy self arrogantly around the house.
Many married women are too busy chasing shadows that they forget the real thing. There is no doubt that a woman who can cook a good meal will most likely be a killer in bed. The ability of a woman to have good sex is very important. Many of our married women don’t have enough knowledge about the importance of sex in a relationship and are too hypocritical and lazy to find out. Many of those who know are still held back by hypocrisy from exploring and practicing what they know.
There is a lot of pretence about sex and I think the society is partly to blame also, especially our Yoruba people. Yorubas are the only people in this Nigeria that I know of who do not have any special training for young women going into marriage. I may be wrong but I have never heard of it. The Ibos have the famous fattening rooms where young maidens are trained on caring for their husbands. This is what they teach them there, not make them fat. Same for the South-South people. The Calabar women have an incredible reputation on husband management.
Even what they need to take care of the passage is taught to them. Though the fattening rooms may have lost it popularity over time, the main content of this cultural practices is still being passed down the generations by the older women. Otherwise, you will not still be hearing about how good Calabar or South-south girls are in bed. There is too much hypocrisy for the Yoruba race. That’s why everything that cannot be explained must be attributed to juju. The Hausa people prepare their young daughters for marriage too and even send them off with loads of herbal aphrodisiacs to help with their sexual duties.
A woman who cannot satisfy the two special needs of a man, the pleasures of his loins and stomach cannot lay claims to him. Children are very minor in the equation in this game. As a woman, you must be able to successfully feed his mouth and manhood, if you want to own him.
Victoria, (31), Telecom staff, says these days, men are after money:
Money is the key these days, Aunty. Guys don’t want to settle for ladies without good jobs or from at least average families. You will see a guy from the village aspiring to marry a girl from a very rich family who has no ties to the village on her own side. Everyone is trying to raise the standard of their families. Do you know that song, Otedola does not have two heads, so, why should I also not drive a Bently like him? Without money, you cannot survive in Nigeria, please. That is the problem many young ladies are facing now. Men don’t want to be the only ones chasing after money for their families again. They want to be pampered by women too, or, at least, get adequate assistance from them.
There are many examples. In fact, in my office, there are several instances. A guy had been dating one of the ladies in the office for almost two years and we had all assumed that nothing could go wrong. This guy met the daughter of a top politician and in less than six months, he was talking of being madly in love and serious about this girl. They got married in less than a year and are now living in one of the posh estates in Lagos. You need to see this guy now.
Girls who are in position to offer guys a helping hand financially or through connections are better positioned to hook them down for marriage faster. This does not mean that the marriage will be a success. It’s the same things many women look for that the guys are looking for now. Look at the way guys now go for older women for relationships. Look at how popular Sugar Mummy business has become. Some of these guys have perfected how to sweet-talk these older, married women into affairs, even if the women were not interested in the first place. Some of them just look for very rich or influential ones, talk them into unholy alliances and thereafter, the women become their ATM for life. So, if a woman finds a good man, you have to bend over backwards to keep him by her side.
Christiana, (70), retired Civil Servant, says a woman must be dynamic to keep her man at home:
Life as we all know, is not entirely a bed of roses. It takes the grace of God to keep a family as there are many factors mitigating against this from happening. In the old days, the issues were not as many as we now have them, so, one could conveniently talk about winning a man’s attention with food or children. But back then too, we had men who did not care for their children and the women went through hell while raising them all alone. Some did well at it, some didn’t. The ‘soup’, most of the time is provided by girlfriends of these men, not necessarily their wives. Often times, the ‘soup’ women don’t have children for them. When the women with children and the ones with ‘soup’ become wives, the man will still get himself another ‘soup’ woman elsewhere. In most cases, there is nothing he is really searching for out there, except the thrills of the adventures. This is natural with men, it’s their thing.
Most of the time, no single woman can keep a man down or claim to own him entirely to herself, unless the man wants to stay down. Many who have made such claims have been disappointed at the end of the day. The same applies to a man who wants to keep watch over a woman, he will only give himself hypertension. So, a woman must just do her best and pray that it is enough to keep her man. Therefore, she has to be everything to her man without forgetting her responsibility towards her children. Those who can’t do all that are naturally required to seek spiritual powers to achieve their goal. Again, this could be anything from juju to alfas, prophets and whatever.
It depends on the conviction of the woman. Above all, a woman also has to be smart and possess a discerning spirit. You must know when to tell lies; good or bad lies, how much to reveal, when and how to reveal them and what you must never say. Men are like babies and need to be treated as such if a woman wants her peace. That is why if you see a woman with a successful marriage or at least, who has managed to keep her man under her wings, I tell you, don’t mess with such a woman. You don’t know her story. It’s usually more than you can readily see. Good girls don’t often make good wives because they cannot do most of the things required in manipulating or hoodwinking their men.
Hmmm! What do you think? If you wish to have your opinion published on this page, pleases send them via the e-mail address above. Do have a wonderful weekend!