I don’t know what gives the average man the impression that when it comes to sex, his female partner wants the whole works – heavy foreplay, all-night long sex and loads of orgasms. Where he thinks he falls below par, he makes up stories to portray himself a stud. That is how Yunus recently became trapped in his web of lies. “I’ve lied to my girlfriend of nine months about having had a rampant sex life and I’m not sure whether to own up or not”, he said.
“She’d confessed, when we met that she’d had very few sexual partners and wasn’t as experienced as I was. I don’t know what gave her that impression of my sexual prowess – I’ve done noting but the same old normal stuff that every man has. So, I lied because I didn’t want her to think I was boring. I told her I was once a swinger and had gone on orgies. She seemed impressed and wanted lots of details, so I made them up. I based most of the stuff on what I’ve seen happen in porn videos and didn’t honestly think she’d fallen for it, but she did. My lies certainly improved our sex life! Now, every time I tell her about my sexploits, she gets turned on.
“Her best friend is getting married in a few months’ time and she is going to make hotel reservation for the two of us. This has excited my girl and she keeps referring to the trip as our `dirty weekend’ and couldn’t wait to sample some of the wild things I’d bragged I’ve done. I’m at a crossroads now and don’t know what to do. If I confess she might hate me for lying in the first place, but I was trying to impress her. How do I handle a dirty weekend?!
As Yunus has since found out, the trouble with telling one lie is that it usually leads to another, then another and before you know it, you’ve got yourself in a right mess. Dirty weekend as a rule could put more zing into you sex life. Never underestimate what two days away from routine, pressure and normality can do for both your relationship and your sex life.
But going away with a partner who’s not very experienced and have no clue of what to do once you get there, could be really disastrous. Here’s what a sexologist advises: first, don’ sell your weekend away as a dirty weekend. Instead, just say you’re looking forward to a sort of home-away-from-home, that takes the pressure off immediately.
Relax, most men would jump at the proposition of a sex-fuelled weekend rather than feel pressured. Luckily, you’ll be out of the city and there would be little sight to see. At your leisure, hang around the hotel, lie by the pool if it has one and have steaming afternoon sex session. Set the scene for good sex without directly asking for it. A good bottle of wine or two, (champagne, perhaps?) some saucy underwear you gave her as a present to let her know it’s going to be a special occasion.
Take along your laptop and a good film that happens to have some steaming sex scene in it and just relax. A few drinks at a time of day when you don’t usually have one sets the scene for doing something naughty, so does a relaxing CD to listen to while you’re there.
“If she’s shy, things like these will win her over more than you emerging from the bathroom in a ridiculous male thong, clutching one or two sex toys! Just aim to have a nice weekend getting to know each other, rather than a wicked sexfest and you’ll hopefully end up doing both!”
Truth about your love life:
Certain ‘truism’ about relationships are still kicking around years later. But what’s actually true and what has since been disapproved as rubbish?
Myth: You should forgive and forget. Reality: By all means forgive just not straight away! Research shows if you forgive too quickly, your partner has no motivation to stop doing whatever it was they did.
Myth: Arguing is bad for your relationship. Reality: Not arguing can be worse if one of you is keeping quiet about things, simply to keep the peace. What’s more important than the frequency of arguing is how quickly you make up. The quicker you recover from conflict, the happier you’ll be.
Myth: Settling down makes you fat. Reality: True! The average person piles on over half a stone in the first year of a new relationship. And, couples are likely to gain one stone and four pounds each after 10 years together. But only some of it is because we let ourselves go. The rest is because couple’s activities tend to focus more around food than singles.