Dear Bunmi,

My husband was always complaining of how unadventurous I was in the bedroom. Specifically, he wanted me to invest in naughty under wears that would turn him on. So when a friend recently came back from her business trip  and had some sexy under wears to sell, I bought quite a few. I put them on the other day and was quite shocked and annoyed when he promptly ripped them off as his sick idea of foreplay! I spent all that money and made the effort to please him but what’s the point if he’s not even going to look at it on me?

Kadijat
By E-mail

Dear Kadijat,
You don’t say how long you’ve been married but having your husband rip your  sexy underwear off in seconds to have his wicked way with you seems to me the knickers must have turned him on no end! I quite sympathise with your frustration. So, next time, why don’t you first disappear into the bathroom, leaving him waiting in bed for you?

Then emerge to pose in the doorway with your sexy gears, before walking s-I-o-w-l-y over to the bed. If you can keep a straight face, let him know he’s only allowed to remove the items one by one – preferably with his teeth! Alternatively, put on your sexy underwear as you are both getting ready to go to work so he can’t do a thing other than admire you. And he would stew in his juice until you both get together later in the day!

Dad’s second wife has deserted him

Dear Bunmi,
SOME twelve years ago after over fifteen years of marriage and three children, my father decided to take a second wife. He was an executive director of a manufacturing company and he wanted more children. He also wanted his second wife to live with us in the house provided by the company.

Within a few years, his new wife had three children and dad was nasty to mum and us because he said we didn’t accept her kids and his new wife who carried on as if she was a goddess. In desperation, mum went back abroad where she once trained as a nurse and got a good job.

In the meantime, this gold digger of a wife carried on as if she was the bread-winner of the family. Dad lost his job and had to relocate to the only building he owned in an unsavoury part of the city. I’d finished with my studies and had this job I currently do, so I moved out to share a flat with friends. The two boys are doing well with mum abroad.

It was with sadistic pleasure that I received the news that dad’s Cinderella had deserted him when his cash ran out and when my mum phoned that dad was going over to Britain to stay with her, I nearly burst a vein! She said he had prostrate cancer and was coming to be operated on. When I phoned dad to confirm, he said it was proper for him to stay with his wife, after all they never got a divorce. The other woman had gone with her children and he said he couldn’t wait to see my mum again. I felt bad about this.
After all this man did to my mum and the emotional stress his wife made us go through, how could she take him back? It doesn’t make sense and I feel really resentful.

Priscilla,
By E-mail

Dear Priscilla,
Noting really makes that much sense when it comes to matters of the heart. There must have been a firm commitment in the marriage vows your parents took for them not to seek divorce even when it seemed the marriage had broken down. Whatever happened to your father in the past, he had suffered too.

First, by losing his job, then his accommodation and now the young wife he thought would make his later years happy.

Now he’s back with the wife who bore him his first children and she is willing to take him, albeit to nurse him through prostrate cancer, which could be quite-traumatic to the sufferer.

Leave your parents alone to solve their problems. Your mum wants her old love back. Respect her wish without questioning why. It shows you that when you have a misunderstanding, be it with friends or lovers, you don’t shut the door as you might decide to come in again!

Girls are always cheating on me

Dear Bunmi,
I have a history of girls cheating on me. It’s happened on three different occasions with girls I thought I could trust. I have been seeing a really nice woman for a year now. She knows I’m paranoid about trusting women but I think I trust her though I still feel like I need proof. I have picked up her mobile a few times to look at it. Recently, I was tempted to check her messages when she left her e-mail open on her computer but something stopped me.

I can’t decide whether it’s better to know or not to know if she is doing something behind my back. I’d never forgive her if this happened and I doubt I’d ever give another woman another chance. I honestly don’t know how to get back my sense of trust. Can you help?

Fidelis
By Email

Dear Fidelis,
Snooping around is certainly not the way to  do it. Once someone starts snooping on a partner, they’ve broken the privacy understanding that exists between couples and they rarely stop. Your problem is a bit ominons. You’re already suspicious and will read all sorts into anything and everything.

For now, you need to assume your partner is innocent until you see definite signs she’s up to something. Let her know you’re adopting this new attitude. It’s in your interest as a normally suspicious person not to know about harmless flirtations – not even a one-night stand that meant nothing! You need to loosen up and have a chat with a few of your friends who might give you a word or two of wisdom.