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Help me get my love life back

By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
My baby is less than a year old and since I had her, I’d done loads of pelvic-floor exercises. It seems as if they’re not working because when I make love with my husband, I can feel my vagina is wide opened. He confirmed I’m not as tight as I used to but he doesn’t mind because he loves me.

I want our love life to be as wonderful as it once was and would appreciate anything else I can do to get tighter.
By E- mail

Dear Temi
Pelvic- floor exercises are great and you’ll soon reap their benefits- so keep doing them. In the meantime, you can try altering your love-making position. Kneel on all fours, or lie on your back and put your legs on his shoulders. Or keep your legs together once he’s entered you. All these positions will narrow your vagina, providing much more sensation for both of you.

My mum won’t let go of her lover

Dear Bunmi,
EARLY last year, my dad found out my mother had been having an affair for close to six years with a police officer that came to her restaurant frequently. He wanted to send her packing, but relented after pleas from relatives and her promise not to let it happen again.

The man was even banned from coming to the restaurant. On the surface, my parents are back to normal but I’ve found notes in mum’s handbag proving the relationship is still going on. I don’t want to upset my father but I think he deserves better than the way my mother has been treating him.
By e-mail

Dear Aishat,
There are secrets in parental relationship that children are in no position to judge. You’ve cast yourself as your father’s defender and your mother’s judge, without any mercy or understanding for her. I wish you could talk to your mother. But it looks as if you don’t want to, you just want to accuse her, and that’s not the same thing.

I hope you do speak to your mother; chances are, the lovey dovey your parents now display could be for the children’s benefit and your dad might know more than you imagine. I think it would be best for you to talk with an outsider not about your mother’s infidelity, but about your feeling for your parents.

He didn’t tell me  he was married

Dear Bunmi,
At a national seminar last year, I met a man who worked in the same industry as 1 did, but he was based in Abuja. We really clicked and stayed in the same hotel room. We phoned and texted a lot afterwards. He was keen for me to attend this year’s seminar; but when I did, he confessed he was married. It was clear his feelings towards me hadn’t changed and he’d since told me over the phone he would want us to continue with the relationship. Do you think I should?
By E-mail

Dear Chinonye,
You don’t have any promising relationship – all that ties you together is just the sex, so stop texting or calling him. You need to avoid next year’s seminar, and let someone else go. Not because long distance romances do not occasionally work out, but because the man waited a year before he bothered to tell you he was married. For 12 months, while your imagination was turning him into a romantic hero, he was just another husband looking for cheap thrills – which makes him a cheat and an unreliable man.

Must he stick his tongue in my mouth?

Dear Bunmi,
Ever since I could remember, I’ve always hated having things in or near my mouth even brushing my teeth makes me feel uneasy – and kissing is a big problem. Unfortunately, my current boyfriend feels kissing is not passionate enough unless we both use our tongues. I often resent this and he’s starting to think I don’t love him because I don’t kiss him ‘proper’. Of course I love him and I’m sure there are better ways of showing this. Any ideas?
By E-mail

Dear Lara,
A strong reaction such as you have is often the result of something nasty that’s happened to you in the past. It could be that when you were very young, you didn’t like – or you had a bad experience with chewing sticks or the dentist. Now you have a phobia of things near your mouth.

You need to talk to a professional who could help you rethink the past and put the ‘something nasty’ in perspective. In the meantime, let your boyfriend know of this fear and together, you could beat it.


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