A lot of men have had nothing but nasty things to say about girls who flirt. Yet, flirting has absolutely nothing to do with dragging a man by the scruff of the neck, so to speak, and leading him into the bedroom. Flirting is the little flattery things said to us by other people that make us feel good enough to be happy that we are female and are still desirable. The same can also apply to men. If it goes beyond that, it has an unhealthy ring to it, and it is called ‘leading on’.

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, nine months ago, and was fortunate to be in another relationship immediately after. My ex was the one who said we should cool things a bit and he had a girlfriend too. Unfortunately, our new romance didn’t work out and he begged that we should give our relationship another chance and I agreed because I never stopped loving him.

Dear Bunmi,
ABOUT A year ago, my
younger brother told me he’djust been diagnosed with some kidney infection and would need a lot of expensive treatment if he were to be cured. The alternative was for him to have a transplant which would be lots more expensive. He asked for a loan for N200,000 and promised to pay me as soon as he got his car allowance which was being processed by his office.
Months after he was due to pay me, he kept on telling me one sob story after the other. In the end I had to appeal to his wife – I needed my money desperately. His wife was gobsmacked. According to her, that was the first she would hear about any kidney problem, and as for the car loan, he already got that before he even approached me for his bogus treatment.
When I confronted him, he said he needed the money to pay off an outstanding loan he got from his office, or he would lose his job. It seems he kept on hopping from one lie to the other, but I never knew he would descend as low as inventing a serious disease. I don’t know if I’ll ever get my money back, and I feel let down.
Augustus, by e-mail.

Dear Augustus,
In spite of the adage you should “neither a lender nor borrower be,” many of us keep falling for the trap of people intent on a good con. Simply put, you’d been had conned by your own flesh and blood. Of course, it hurts and you have a difficult decision to make – either you write off the money and never trust your brother again or try to get it back by whichever means you could. Being conned by a stranger is bad enough, but by your own flesh and blood is far worse. Whatever happens, you need to move on with your life.

I have this male colleague at work and we are very friendly, we see and chat with each other everyday.

I’ve been with my partner for almost eight years. He is a fairly successful businessman and was married twice. His two wives don’t live with him. He’s told me from the word go that he was not keen on living with a woman.