By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I’m currently involved with two men and can’t choose which one I really want to be with. One man is exciting and I have very strong feelings for him. The problem is that he’s extremely good-looking and I’m not sure I could trust him. We also argue a lot.

The other man is sweet and cannot do enough for me. I trust him completely but, as much as I’m fond of him, I don’t love him as much as the other man. I’m at the early dating stages with both men. There are pluses and munuses  to both of them. My problem really is that I long for a long-term relationship but don’t know  which of those  men would give me a better life.
Bosun
Bye E-mail.

Dear Bosun,
What exactly do you think you want from life? If you’re a passionate person and strong enough to cope with uncertainty, then Mr. Excitement might suit  you perfectly. You don’t say why you don’t trust him. Is it because he is good looking and is constantly hit on by  the girls? That alone isn’t a reason not to trust him. Is he as  intensely into you as you are into him? The more intensely we feel for someone, the more we have to lose and this could explain  the arguments you’re always having.

Do you thrive on a challenge or prefer to feel safe? If a safe loving relationship without drama is what would suit you, then go for the nice guy. It is possible to get the excitement you crave from other areas of your life. The other option is to ditch them both and try to find someone who has a balance of both!

My estranged father wants to pay for my wedding!

Dear Bunmi,
My mother and I returned to Nigeria when I was five, after a bitter divorce. My dad remained abroad and we rarely heard from him. Mum later met and married another man who raised me and my brother as his own. We have two half siblings. Growing up, I always  dream of this society wedding I often read about in the soft sells. Late last year, my boyfriend of four years proposed to me and we’ve planned a December wedding. My parents have offered to pay for part of the wedding, but as none of us has much money saved, we had settled for a small wedding and reception.

Then out of the blues, my real father got in touch. He said he’d heard I was getting married and wanted to help. He’s offered to pay for the whole wedding and said money was no problem. I talked to my mum, who said we could accept the offer if we wanted to. My fiancé and I don’t know what to do. The money would certainly give us the wedding of our dreams, but I know that my mum and stepfather would be hurt. Do you think I should take the money?
Anita
Bye E-mail

Dear Anita,
Any dark clouds on the day you get married should be avoided. Your real father has played no part in your upbringing. Why should he be given the chance to steal all the glory and have everyone thanking him for a great party? The best weddings are often not in posh event-centres with fancy food and free booze. They’re the ones where the bride and groom are so filled with love that it is infections.

You’ve already had a word with your mum and drawn the conclusion she would be unhappy if you went for the money. Your mum and step dad are the ones who have been there for you throughout your life, not your dad. Have the small wedding you’ve planned, with the people you love around you.

If your real dad has money to throw around, let him know it wouldn’t be used towards the wedding. That way, he might stay back and not steal your stepdad’s thunder on your wedding day.

He wants me to shave down below!

Dear Bunmi,
My current boyfriend is a bit more sexually liberated than I am and as a result, he has made me more sexually aware of my body. Recently, he’s kept asking me to shave off my pubic hair to enhance our sex life. I’m all for this but I don’t have a clue as to how you effectively shave down below. Help!
Ngozi
Bye E-mail.

Dear Ngozi,
Have you asked your man if your pubic hair getting in the way of sex is one of the reasons he’s asking you to shave off? If that’s the reason, then a simple trim with a good pair of scissors should do the trick.

If, like he says, it really turns him on, then you need a  complete shave. You have to be really careful here. After you’ve trimmed your pubes, you can then shave the rest off with a razor. When you’ve shaven clean,  you are likely to feel a bit strange at first and you may become itchy when the hair starts growing back. Seriously though, if in the end you feel uncomfortable about diffusing, then don’t do it. Never force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, not even for love.