Francis Onwochei has paid his dues as one of the Nollywood stars who have worked with literary giants like Prof. Wole Soyinka and Jide Ogungbade. He got married to his  wife, Susan, about 21 years ago. The couple has four grown up children (two boys and two girls) to show for their union. He reminisces on the early days of his marriage …

By Benjamin Njoku

In the beginning

I got married in 1995, which means I am officially 21 years in marriage. We are blessed with four beautiful kids. My experience may be peculiar. This is because in the beginning, I wouldn’t describe it as being so rosy and smooth. Professionally, I grew up as an actor and was very popular among my fans. There’s the tendency that fans would run into you, hug you and exchange pleasantries with you as their screen idol.But my wife could not understand why she wouldn’t have her man to herself alone. This was part of the initially challenges we experienced in our marriage. With time, we overcame the challenges as we understood ourselves more.

How we met

It’s an interesting story. I met her at a business centre where they make phone calls. That was in 1993. She was stunningly beautiful and was speaking so well on phone. I cannot remember whom she was talking with on phone but it got me attracted to her. Immediately, I developed the urge to get closer to her. We talked, exchanged contacts and started dating. Two years later, in 1995, we got married.

She truly presented   a picture of someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with. And she came into my life at a time I was thinking of settling down.

Proposing

It wasn’t one of those romantic proposals. I just decided it was time I settled down and begin to raise my own family. Hence, I started calling   off some of the relationships I had to focus on my new found love. I just said to her, ‘I would want you to be the mother of my children.’

Love at first sight!

Not all, it wasn’t love at first sight. I was a very randy guy when I was very young. Too many relationships here and there. As an actor, I was famous, rich and I believed I was good-looking. When I saw her, I thought she was going to be one of those ladies out there I had known in the past. But I saw in her the qualities I wanted in a woman that would eventually become my wife.

Interestingly, after two weeks of our relationship, when I was becoming crazy about her, she came with a shocker that she was no longer interested in the relationship. Her reason was that I was everybody’s friend. At that moment, I did everything possible to ensure that she did not walk out of the relationship. I knew that she was in love with me but it’s just that she didn’t like the idea that I was all over the place. But we grew to love each other. Now, 21 years in marriage, I still   love her very much. But I don’t know if she can say same   thing   to me.

Her fears

My wife is an extremely jealous woman. Indeed, a lot of women are jealous. But my wife is the queen of jealousy. My wife wants her man to herself 100 percent. But having known me over years that nothing untowards happens when I say ‘hello’ to a colleague, she has come to understand the environment where I work in. Fortunately, in the last couple of years, she has started to work in the same industry, and she has started to see and understand the reasons we have to connect to ourselves so much.

Right and the wrongs in marriage

I’m thankful to God that my marriage remains intact. I cannot say that things have been perfect. A lot of things have gone wrong. I have done some things that if you could wind back the clock, I may not have done them. I have ignored a lot of   things that I should have listened to from her. I have paid less attention to the things I thought were less important, but over time, I grew to learn how important these things were.

Every day, the relationship keeps getting better. So, the errors and mistakes that one made in the past have been overtaken by the events of our blissful   marriage. But all said and done, I take the blame. This is because I am always distracted as a result of my work. I do things a bit differently and listen to her more now than in the early stage of our marriage.

The day after wedding

I don’t have that kind of memory now, but I know that taking the decision   to marry her, at that time, was going to be good for me. I just thought that life was going to be blissful forever after marriage. That was the picture I had in mind. I knew that it was a place we wanted to be, it was a situation in which we wanted to find ourselves. We enjoyed the fact that we got married finally, and living together forever. And it has been so, ever since we got married.

Changed woman?

She has changed a bit, but I may not have appreciated that change. Maybe  I was the reason she changed. If it was before now, she would not insist on certain things. But importantly, she’s more focused now, and she advises me more critically now, and any time I didn’t listen to her, there is always a price to pay.