By Muyiwa Adetiba

A famous British actor in the popular sitcom Coronation Street, is rueing the flippant words he uttered in a TV interview recently. He had said in the interview, that whatever happens to us is as a  result of our actions either in this world or the previous one. In other words, we deserve whatever we get.

The interviewer, a clever fellow, then asked if victims of rape had deserved it or maybe even asked for it somehow. He realised then that he was boxing himself into a corner because rape is a sensitive issue in Britain. He tried to dance out of it but didn’t want to eat his words, so muttered some explanations and moved to a safer ground.

The furore that greeted his comments surprised him and indeed many people given his popularity. Two weeks ago, he had to apologise profusely that he meant no harm and if his comments remotely suggested that rape victims had asked for it, then, he was sorry.

I saw clips of the two tapes. The first one was patronising and all knowing. The second one was contrite and penitent. You see, it’s the clever little questions that puncture holes into many of our assumptions about life. And many prophets would stammer and stumble were they to be asked some clever  questions about some of the things they preach on the pulpit. The truth is, there are many things we don’t know and we should not pretend because we are pastors or philosophers that we do.

Recently, an elderly friend in his late 70s who had lost many of his old friends to the cold hands of death asked where his friends had gone to. Would they meet again? I tried to answer him by recalling a book I read about life beyond this life. In the book, voices of dead celebrities had been captured and the authors had used the voices to piece the story of life in another realm together. A life that relied more on the spirit form than the physical: a realm that prepares us for yet another higher realm. In other words, a refining process, much like this present life refines us for the next one.

My companion on the other hand, had used the Bible to explain about the finality of death, judgement, heaven, hell etc. Our contrary positions must have left our old friend, a very successful professional and entrepreneur, more bemused than enlightened. Again, the truth is, we just don’t know.

So we are left with what we do know, which is the present life. Even then, we only know the how in most cases and not the why. And what we see and experience show that life can seem to be very unfair.

Otherwise, what do you tell the middle-aged couple who lost all their children in a Sosoliso air crash? Or the two generations of a family that perished in the Dana air crash? Or the man who wakes up in the middle of the night to find that fire has engulfed all he had including his young children and wife? Or the couple who finally lost all three children to sickle cell after years of pain and anxiety not to talk about expended life savings? What do you say to abused children?

Kids born innocent but who had experienced cruel, cruel lives so early? Or the victims of Boko Haram who watched as their loved ones were slaughtered like Sallah rams? Or to the widow who lost all her children including grandchildren, in a car crash in Benue State? What do you say to her? Or to the young lady who endured the jeers and ridicules of her peers because she wanted to keep her virginity for a future husband? She watched, unable to find a husband, as her mates who had enjoyed themselves got married one by one.

It got worse when she finally got married in her 30s, and could not conceive while her mates who had done countless abortions were having naming ceremonies. What do you say to a loyal, honest employee who gets sacked while a thieving mate gets promoted? Of course, life can seem unfair and it is patronising to pretend we have the answers when this happens.

What I do know however, is that our Creator has given each of us a precious gift to cope with the vicissitudes of life. This gift of inestimable value is our mind. We can choose to water this seed, our mind into a strong tree, or we can choose to let it wither. We can choose to be victims for the rest of our lives, or we can choose to use each situation as a ladder to move on (and up) in life.

To accept that life is not fair, but that we have the tool to deal with it is in itself, therapeutic. It’s the way we condition our minds to come to terms with the cards life deals us that determines how much peace, how much contentment we enjoy in life because contentment they say is true wealth.

Therefore, a man who does not know when to stop accumulating material things has not developed his mind and is indeed,a poor man because he has not learnt about contentment. Many of our leaders who think they are privileged, are actually victims, of this unfair world.

Let us develop our minds. That is our Creator’s cure for the unkind cuts of life.