By Bunmi Sofola

Fidelis got married late – in his early 40s. Two years into his marriage, he could no longer get an erection. ‘’I’d had problems with my libido in the past.” He confessed, “and by the time I met Lisa, my wife, making love was very infrequent. She was only 23 and I thought that she would be fertile enough to get pregnant with the infrequent time, I could have sex.

But she didn’t. It wasn’t really her fault as my semen was often watery. I won’t bore you with the details of efforts I made to have a child. I have resigned myself to the reality of my impotence.

“Unfortunately, I have a young wife who has a strong sex drive and has always has a need for penetrative sex to achieve full satisfaction. So, my impotence has come as a big disappointment to her.

As a result, we have both confided in Ade, a very close and trustworthy friend whom we have known for many years. He has four  children but is currently separated from his wife. After much discussion, he has offered to help. He is well-endowed and my wife and I are keen to accept his offer, as we believe this would solve our problems. I’m all for it as I feel that we could all get something from it. He lives alone as the wife has their kids, and he needs sex too…”

As Fidelis rattled on excitedly, I gaped at him in disbelief. Of course, we’ve heard of men who passed on pregnancies they were responsible for to their mistresses’ unsuspecting husbands.

But to knowingly look for a stand-in lover to help pregnant your wife is pushing desperation to the limit. I told Fidelis that my gut reaction was that it was going to be a total disaster. What works as a fantasy often backfires.

A sex expert I discussed it with was equally appalled. “Fidelis has to be made to realise that while we all like to pretend we can separate sex and love, our genitals and our hearts do inhabit the same body,” she explained. Many weird and wonderful things happen when a couple start having sex. Powerful and intoxicating hormones transfer through skin-to-skin contact. Sex connects and bonds people.

I wonder if Fidelis will still find it quite so exciting when his wife suddenly packs her bag, ready to move in with her husband’s ‘well-endowed’ friend. He hasn’t told you how things are going to work. Does he intend to watch while his wife is being serviced by his enthusiastic friend in the bedroom, or would he watch the telly as if nothing is going on?

“Either way, he shouldn’t be surprised if jealousy kicks in big time if his wife looks or seems to be enjoying the show much more than anticipated. I mean Fidelis’ friend is well-endowed; while Fidelis is the owner of an organ which isn’t working any more. Is he sexually confident enough to survive this madness?”

Quite apart from the obvious moral dilemma,  what happens to the friendship if one of them  decides they want to stop the agreement and the other  wants to continue or vice versa?  It is  unfortunate that Fidelis is impotent but he needs to learn other techniques of satisfying his wife sexually, but since he said his wife is a fan of penetration, he could invite a vibrator or dildo in bed with him rather than a family friend.

“Which brings us to the thorny issue of children. Fidelis could approach a medical practitioner vast in the field of infertility to try artificial insemination. The couple could even try IVF. But giving a lecherous friend the green card to have full reign of your wife is treading on very dangerous grounds!”

How to chat up a stranger in 5 minutes!
You’re waiting for a bus and noticed someone rather dishy standing beside you. Do you:
a. Sigh and wish they were yours; or
b. Start chatting them up so they might well be! Here are six fool-proof points plane recommended by an expert to help you nab your prey! So, why not try them?

1. Smile: Happy people attract others like magnets. You smile, they smile back and you’ve got the green light to start chatting.

2. Chat: Start a conversation, about anything. Forget chat-up lines, keep it simple.
“How long is this queue!” or “is it ever going to stop raining?”

3. Drop clues on how to find you again: Social networking means it’s never been easier to find someone. Give your full name when you introduce yourself.

4. Give a compliment: Say, “That shirt really suits you” or “ you’ve got a really infectious smile.” Just something that makes them feel you’ve really noticed them.

5. Take a risk: When you have to part, say something like: “It was really nice chatting to you. I hope we run into each other again.” Smile sweetly and pray they ask for your number.

6. Be realistic: Even if they flirted back and weren’t wearing a wedding ring, they might still be attached. If they don’t ask for your number or try to trace you, it doesn’t mean you’re not attractive or that you’re made a  fool of yourself. Clock it up to experience and move on to the next attractive stranger!

What kind of a  lover are you? (Humour)
Three happy wives are in the restaurant talking about their respective husbands. The first one says: I call mine the Dentist, because there’s no one who can drill like he does.” The second giggles: “Well, I call my man the Miner, because he’s got a really big shaft.”

The third one smirks: “I call mine the Postman, because he’s up so early and his delivery is always first class!”

Just How Dumb can you get? (Humour)

A husband returns home to find his wife in bed with another man. “Darling,” she bubbles nervously, “this nice gentleman has come round to, em, measure me up for a new bed!”

“You’ve got to be joking,” the husband scoffs. “That’s outrageous!.” “What do you mean? “The wife asks. “We can’t possibly afford a new bed,” he continues. “You’ve wasted the poor chap’s time, you silly woman!”