Dear Bunmi?
I got divorced four years ago after nine years of marriage and my ex and I still have mutual friends. When I met a new man early in the year, I made sure it was a private courtship. We eventually got married last month. I love this man and I’m happy at this second chance of marital bliss.

My problem now is my friends, especially those who knew me with my first husband. They believe I was rushed off my feet and they seem awkward whenever they see us together. How can I help them accept my new husband?
Celestine
By e-mail

Dear Celestine
You need to give your friends time to get used to your new husband. You had a very short courtship and that means little or no time for your friends to really assess your man. They took time to get used to you being alone after your divorce, rather than being part of a twosome they loved, they’ll take time to get used to seeing you with someone else. I believe a lot of the awkwardness could be protectiveness.

You may feel certain you’ve done the right thing but they might need some convincing your man is going to treat you in the way you deserve. Expect them to be a little skeptical and judgmental – it’s normal. It means they love you. Don’t force your new husband down their throat – simply let them all get to know each other naturally. Also, spend time with them without him so they can ask you questions about how it’s all going and feel reassured you really are OK. The happier they see you are over time, the more they’ll relax.

I try to keep men with sex

Dear Bunmi,
I’m 23 and I’ve never really gone steady with a man. The men I met at work and outings just want sex. I sometimes have sex with them on first date because I know that’s all they want from me. I have sex once a week with different men. This makes me feel dirty and cheap, but it’s the only time I feel wanted. I would like to meet a man who wants to go out with me, not just to have sex. I want to feel loved, not used.
Joan
By e-mail

Dear Joan,
All of us, men as well as women, are likely to feel cheated and used if we have sex when what we need is love. A man always wants to have sex with an attractive woman – and the sooner the better, yet, his romantic and sexual desire for a woman is heightened, not dampened when she asks that love should grow between them first. The more a man wants sex, the more patiently he will await her consent – and the more his desire and love for her will grow. You therefore have everything to gain and nothing to lose by asking a man to respect your need to wait before having sex.

Your giving in to men who are hungry for sex should stop as trading sex for attention will erode your self-esteem. So stop demeaning behaviour. Don’t have sex with a man again until you find the one who can offer you the love and commitment that a woman needs. Sex will then be a wonderful and extraordinary experience for both of you.

Groin pain is killing me

Dear Bunmi,
I’m just over 50 and I have constant pain in my groin. Sometimes, I feel this pain in my back and it’s driving me nuts and ruining my social life as I find it almost impossible to walk at times. I have lost some weight as a result. I have had tests and my doctor has referred me to a bone specialist but nobody knows what is wrong. Can you help me?
Ify
By e-mail

Dear Ify,
According to a bone specialist, the commonest cause would be referred pain from the spine or hip, and given the weight loss, this could suggest a number of serious conditions such as cancer.

However, if a specialist has ruled these out, this could be arthritis, inflammation of a ligament in the groin or a nerve supply problem. Try and talk to a pain specialist and a dietician to review your food intake.