Dear Bunmi,

LAST Christmas, I stayed over with one of my friends and slept on her sofa. Next thing I knew, her boyfriend was leaning over me and kissing me. Of course, I pushed him away – but ever since, he’s been calling me and texting me, asking for us to meet up. And once, when I was around having a meal with them, he even started rubbing my leg under the dining table!

But now they’ve announced they’re getting married and I don’t know whether or not to tell my friend what her man has been doing. If I do tell her, she might not listen. But at the same time, I don’t want her to make the biggest mistake of her life by getting married to that man. Please can you help? I just don’t know what to do.

Ibie, by e-mail.

Dear Ibie,

Either way, you’ll be risking your friendship. If you tell the truth, your friend may well believe her man’s denials and cut you off. But if you don’t come clean and she learns about his behaviour later, she’s likely to be even more outraged.

So, what to do? Next time you’re having a heart-to-heart, ask your friend what she’d do if she knew someone’s man was cheating, if she would tell, then as you discuss the issue, it’s likely she’ll ask if it is her you’re talking about.

That’ll mean you can open up.  But the initiative will have to come from her – so, even if she doesn’t like what she hears, she can’t blame you for it.

Alternatively, you need to confront this love rat. Make this an e-mail, not a conversation, so you have something in writing. Let him know you hate his behaviour and he should stop, that next time he makes a pass at you, our friend gets to know about it. Almost always, when challenged, the cheating partner moves on to his next victim, if he’s a chronic philanderer.

The big question though is ‘would you risk losing a friendship rather than see a good friend marry a love rat?’ Only you can make your own decision.


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