A few years ago, my younger sister got married and I was pleased for her. Unfortunately, we drifted apart after she got married and this is no thanks to her husband. He is jealous and paranoid.
I’ve tried to arrange seeing her on her own, but she says he doesn’t like her doing that. Do I just need to give up having her in my life? Her husband is so distant and hostile that talking to him is almost impossible.
Susanne, by e-mail.
Either your sister is in a horribly restrictive (and potentially abusive) relationship or she’s using her husband as an excuse not to see you. The safest thing to assume, however, is that your sister is isolated and needs more love in her life or less.
Sadly, it looks as if you’re going to have to spend more time with her husband in order to see her. I’m not saying that would be fun, but gaining his trust may be the only way to stay in contact with your sister.
And once you have that time, you’ll be able to help her see there are alternatives and that you’re willing to help her explore them. But if she really wants to be left alone, I advise you give her time to get over her fear.