WHAT is it with men who lie to get a woman into bed even when they don’t have to? Is it because they’re just compulsive liars or irresponsible men who see nothing wrong with lying through their teeth to get whatever they want? They lie to get female attention, steal colleagues’ ideas and present them as theirs to get promotion and lie out of buying rounds of drinks when it’s their turn. Unfortunately, the number of these type of irresponsible men are on the increase, and it doesn’t matter if they are well bred or poor! The disease is often in the blood!
Franka and Kayode are members of a club and they met regularly – especially in the gym. They were good friends too, and last December, when everyone was rushing home to get ready for the club’s all- night Christmas eve party, Kayode was at the club’s bar, downing beer. “Hurry up”, Franka called out to him, cheerily, “or you’11 miss all the fun.” Kayode shrugged and told her: “I’m not coming, I had a fight with my wife and this time, we have had one too many.” Franka was taken back. According to her: “I had no idea he’d been having problems with his wife who I’d seen a couple of times. I told him to go home, and try to sort things out with his wife. He agreed but when next I saw him, which was in the New Year, he told me he’d finished with his wife as things, hadn’t worked out.
“He was so upset that he turned to me for support. He wanted to call at my place and I said he was free to do so. Anything to put the smile back on his face. And that’s how he became a constant visitor to my flat. Before we took things further, I wanted to know how things were with his wife and he told me they stayed together that long because of their daughter. That it was time for him to move on. A lot of my friends, especially the ones at the club were skeptical about our relationship because of the short time between the end of Kayode’s marriage and the start of our relationship. But the ones who knew us well agreed we were happy together and wished us well. So most nights he stayed at my place, I never felt guilty! The only time he was away was weekends when he went to spend time with his eight-year old daughter. He brought her over a couple of times and told me sadly he wanted more children – but his life didn’t. That was one of the major reasons they didn’t see eye-to-eye. He then started urging me to let’s try for a baby, buying gifts and fancy gadgets for my flat. Why not, I thought I was already 30 years old and wasn’t getting younger.
“When I got pregnant a few months later, he was over the moon. He got down on his knees and kissed my stomach – then thanked me over and over again. When I told him a few weeks later it was about time I met his parents, he promised I would as soon as his father got over his heart problem. That was the first time I heard about his dad being ill, but I decided to be patient with him. That marked the beginning of his disappearing acts – if he wasn’t ill, his mobile phone would be switched off.
“When I learnt from a mutual friend that there was nothing wrong with his dad, he said the friend was lying but it was obvious who was. Did he love me at all? He assured me he did but a few days later, he turned up at mine visibly shaken. ‘My wife’s found out you’re pregnant’, he croaked. I told him it was about time since they were no longer an item. Shortly after, my mobile phone beeped with a message. It was from his wife. ‘Now that you’ve wrecked my marriage, I hope you’re happy’, it read. When I showed it to Kayode and asked why his wife was calling me names, he said it was because she was jealous he’d found happiness and I should just ignore her. I’d had enough of all this cat-and-mouse game, so I called his wife.
As soon as-I told her who I was, she started ranting: ‘I know who you are and about your affair with my husband.’ Affair? She went on, ‘you lied to him that your religion forbids contraception so you could trick him into getting married’. I assured her our baby was planned, that we weren’t having an affair since her relationship with Kayode was over before we got together. She snorted they never broke up. That he had time for me because he was working away.
“She must have told Kayode of our conversation because I didn’t see him for a long while. He just sent a text that he was disgusted with me. I texted back: that I never wanted to see him again, that I was well rid of him and lots more. ‘I don’t know what I’ve done to you to arrive at that decision’, he replied, ‘but it will never get in the way of me and my child. I’ll make sure it knows who I am.’
“Now Kayode’s back with his wife and I’ve discovered a lot of things he told me were a load of rubbish. My child is due soon, and it is sad there’s no husband or a prospective father to make the event a thrilling one. But I’ll be fine. I don’t have any respect for irresponsible people like him and I certainly wouldn’t be proud to call him the father of a child I’d so long looked forward to having”.