By Pastor Okokon Ating

Inter Personal Tension

Suggested Ways Of Dealing With Financial Matters In The Home

Someone said, ‘overcoming financial difficulties at home requires a great discipline, self denial and prayer effort’ below are the suggested effort to deal with financial matters in the marriage

1.GREAT DISCIPLINE/SELF-DENIAL

During the courtship period, the issue of who handles what, how to handle those financial issues and what to get and spent the money on should critically be discussed by intended couple before marriage.

If at all they did not before marriage, they can go head to discuses and bring to conclusion after welding. This is to enable the couple to have a formidable focus and good administrative set-up which could bring peace at home and marriage as well.

Such discussion as to who provide the bulk financial contribution for the up keep of the family; having a joint bank account when salary is received in case of husband/wife being civil servant, business man/woman; how to spent such money in the account; what to spend on then and how to handle other vital and non-vital issues confronting the family financially should be meticulously agreed upon.

• In all these the couple should remember to love God best who is the owner of the home and the ultimate source in which the family derives their financial blessing. Whatsoever they do, should be done as on to the Lord whom they will one day stand before to give account of their stewardship.
• The love of the family should reign supreme in the heart of the couple than the love of money
• The family monthly budget should jointly be planned in order to avoid mistrust and excessiveness which may result in debt.

Try as much as possible to invest together, because of the future and the coming generation of the family

Try to meet the daily need of the family together.

If there is any extra income coming into the family through the husband/wife, there should be a concrete information and cooperate planning on what such income is going to be used for

Importantly couple should know that non of them is the sole owner of the money, wealth, etc but it belongs to all of them  as people who are one in every thing

The couple should develop the habit of staying away from debt which could possibly bring hardship and quarrelling in the home.The couple should love both in-laws the same, so that when they have anything to offer or give, it will be a thing of common interest. Regards should be giving to both in-laws equally. There shouldn’t be any secret gift sent to the wife or the husband’s side  without each other knowing about it.

This is to avoid grumbling and fighting at home. Note that the way a wife and husband control money tells a lot about their Christian testimony, their Christian testimony is poor not to themselves alone but also to the community, other Christian folks and the holy spirit that sealed them on the day of their redemption. There is a dire need for the couple to guard+ against the love of money and the things it can buy. This can destroy marriage  if it is not harmoniously handled

2. PERSONALITY AND NEEDS CONFLICTS

?Factually, the couple that came together in marriage are not from them same womb of one mother. Even if they were, there is still traits that make one differ from the other, hence personality traits between couple is a critical factor they should look into, tension can be imminent within the marriage where the husband has quiet a deferent personality from  that of the wife. For instance a husband can be a caring type, while the wife may be the type who conceals things and those not care about others, this difference can create problem.

In the area of conflicting needs. It is well known by us that human needs involved food, shelter, clothing, air, love and properly freedom from pain. Others may need security, love and personal contact with one another

There are several others who have unique personal needs such as: the need to dominate, control, possess, achieve, help or to rescue others also if the husband has a need to dominate while the wife accepts to be controlled, then there may be a kind of compatibility in them which can solidify their marriage.

But where both of them have any need to dominate, this will definitely create an avenue for conflicts. In a family where there is an idea and needs are conflicting between the couple and they also experienced personalities conflict. That marriage is not far from collapsing. This can only be tamed when a spouse is ready to let go off he/her needs and personality.

This may not be by compulsion but by love and Christ’s sake. The drift of this idea goes into rating of values too, where the husband  rate some aspect of the family while the wife say no to it. Married people can only avoid personal conflicting needs if they understand Gods principles.